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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million
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The table shows information about the quantity of
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
show examples
 opened,
kilometres
Use synonyms
, and passenger numbers from
system's
Correct article usage
the system's
show examples
 underground
railway
Use synonyms
 in six main towns.
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest underground
railway
Use synonyms
 was in
London
Use synonyms
, and the latest one was in Los Angeles. The longest
Use synonyms
kilometres
Change the noun form
kilometre
show examples
 route was
London
Use synonyms
's
railway
Use synonyms
 and the shortest was in Kyoto, which
the
Add a missing verb
was the
show examples
 newest subway before Los Angeles. Based on the data, the total of
Use synonyms
railway'
Change noun form
railway
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
could
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not average based on
Use synonyms
railway's
Correct article usage
the railway's
show examples
 first operational date,
due to
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
was gained
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 775
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year,
besides
Linking Words
 that the
Use synonyms
London's
Change noun form
London
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
 was the first underground train, and the
Use synonyms
kilometres
Change the noun form
kilometre
show examples
 route was the longest than others.
In addition
Linking Words
, the underuse subway
was came
Change the verb form
came
show examples
 from Kyoto with the least contribution in
kilometres
Use synonyms
 and less in
sum
Add an article
the sum
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Tokyo's subway
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
succeeded in gaining a lot
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Tokyo and Kyoto were located in the same nation.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kilometres, railway, london, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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