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Writing Samples
Band 5

More people than ever travel other countries? Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #countries #case #development
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These days, many
people
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 have decided to
travel
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 abroad than domestic tourism. From my point of view, there are many reasons behind
this
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, and I
this
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 trend to have more benefits
development
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. I will shed light on the issues in the following essay.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 opt to
travel
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 abroad rather than within their own countries for three main reasons. First of all, many
people
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 are to study different things surrounding the
country
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 they visit.
For example
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, most parents and their children often visit historical sites
such
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 as temples, museums, and pagodas.
Consequently
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, encouraging young children's
development
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 and curiosity.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can explore when they visit different nations, which enriches their knowledge.
Secondly
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, some individuals go overseas to breathtaking locations, like islands and resorts in the mountains, which are unlike anything they would find at home, to relax.
Finally
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, visitors can learn more about history, culture, and cuisine by
traveling
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travelling
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 outside the
country
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. In my view, the tendency to
travel
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 overseas is increasing
this
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 phenomenon would be a positive
development
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 in various facets.
Firstly
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, international
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 brings numerous economic benefits to host countries. Because selling their traditional foods and renting out houses to visitors brings in more money for the
country
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's residents.
Furthermore
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, the tourism industry develops, leading to created jobs and economic growth in their
country
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.
Secondly
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,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 overseas help
people
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 improve their language skill and life experiences.
For instance
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,
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 need to learn a few local languages when visiting other nations, as most
people
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 there speak their tongue. In conclusion,
people
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travel
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 to other countries to acquire new knowledge and relax. In my opinion,
this
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development
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 is positive because it helps
people
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's personal
development
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 and economic growth.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure that paragraphs are well-sequenced and that there is a clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. Ensure that the introduction introduces the main ideas and the conclusion summarizes the key points and provides a final thought or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples, but more specific details can be provided to further reinforce the ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task with a clear presentation of ideas, but it could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and relevant to the topic, but they would benefit from further expansion and development to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the issues.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples to support the main points and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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