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Band 4.5

Describe an occasion when you waited a long time for a nice thing. You should say: When it happened What the nice thing was How long you waited Why you waited for a long time And explain how you felt about the experience

#occasion #time
I would like to share an unforgettable experience of waiting for three months. That was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
time
 that I decided to wait for a long
time
 for an amazing camera. Honestly,
this
 waiting experience made me feel surprised, cue I am an impatient person in daily life, which means I cannot spend much
time
 waiting for something, even sometimes, I suspect that I have an impulse control problem. So, it definitely is an interesting waiting thing in my life. I still remember, about two years ago,
while
 I lived in Singapore, one day, I decided to go around an electric gargets store since it can help me kill my boring
time
, and chill out. Fortunately, when I entered the gate of the camera shops, an amazing item caught my attention.
That is
 a special one, it has a yellow metal lens and a black appearance. everything aroused my interest. so I totally decided to buy it. But unfortunately, most of the cameras were sold out. if I wanted to buy
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one, I needed to wait for three months. Honestly, at
first,
I did not want to wait, but
at the end
 of the moment that I will leave away from the store, I changed my mind, I made a big choice to wait for it, because,
in addition
 to its beauty, it
also
 has some fabulous functions, like making videos, so as a volg lover, I cannot reject it.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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Task Response
Ensure to fully address all parts of the task prompt. Develop a clear and focused response with relevant supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more coherent and logical structure. Use cohesive devices to connect your ideas clearly throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and fluently. Also, pay attention to word choice and accuracy.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure and accuracy. Use a variety of sentence types and grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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