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Band 4

Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer language in the world. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#year #language #people #life #world
Some people believe that the downward trend in the number of existing
languages
 may make life easier. I concur with
this
 perspective because the
diversity
 of
languages
 is responsible for the
globalization
 deceleration and divisions between communities.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
languages
Change the noun form
language
show examples
diversity
 is empowering the notion
to neglect
Change preposition
of neglecting
show examples
 the
globalization
 trend
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
This
 is because some ethnic people
pront
Correct your spelling
want
 to stop the spread
foreign
Change preposition
of foreign
show examples
languages
 in their local area, as an action to ensure the original culture does not fade. Since the number of
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 drop, it leads to the progression of
globalization
 because some countries or
locally
Change the word
local
show examples
 groups may
failed
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
 with the global trends
due to
 the
language
barier
Correct your spelling
barrier
.
Therefore
, the fewer
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 in the world, the greater the impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the nation and its
society
. One of the primary reasons supporting
this
 stance is
language
diversity
 promotes difficulty
to unite
Change preposition
in uniting
show examples
society
.
This
 is
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the hardship
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having a conversation between one specific local inhabitant to others.
For instance
, Indonesia is a country with more than
hundered
Correct your spelling
hundred
 local
languages
, which
language
 gap easily found.
Furthermore
, the
diversity
 of local
languages
 leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of unity
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of clear communication.
Therefore
, the tragedy which
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 a
shrink
Change the verb form
shrinking
show examples
 number of
languages
 may potentially break the wall of
language
 barrier.
As a result
, it could unite people between tribes or even countries. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea
regarding
Change preposition
that
show examples
 life will be easier since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fewer
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 used.
This
 is because the more uniform the
language
, resulting in progressions in
globalization
 and united
society
.
Submitted by elroivan on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clear and effective. Work on structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a limited development of ideas and lacks a clear response to the task. Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a balanced argument.
lexical resource
The essay shows adequate use of vocabulary and features some coherent and cohesive language. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing.
grammatical range
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and word form. Focus on improving grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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