IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

#people #purpose #money
Money
 considered
as
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apply
show examples
the main purpose of working hard is a hot topic which has grabbed a great deal of attention in recent times.And I completely disagree and
this
 essay will
elobarate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
 my views by supporting relevant ideas and examples.
It is clear that
 devoting the job for just
money
 is sensible for some reasons. Financial preferences set up by some
spotential
Correct your spelling
potential
 forces
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 people earn as much as possible. Meanwhile, their funds can help them to spend their time for
meaning
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meaningful
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 distributions on their entertainment.
For
instance
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instance,
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 they have the opportunity to travel abroad or buy luxury items as your wish. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 hand, it is ridiculous that the basic reason for
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 is
money
. There are some unrefusing demands for the hardworking appeals.
Firstly
, some people see themselves
at
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in
show examples
 just workplace as
an
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apply
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immediate and urgent helpful person.
For instance
, some scientists devote their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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for
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to
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 discoveries that can be
a
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apply
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vital
factor
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factors
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to mitigate
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in mitigating
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 global and social problems like global warming,
some
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and some
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 dangerous diseases with
the
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apply
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high death
rate
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rates
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.
Secondly
, some people consider their job as a sense of escapism that they try to avoid their
rush
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rushed
show examples
 and tedious life. Working from day till night may be the best way to pass their time sensibly and amazingly.
To sum up
,
albeit
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although
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money
 seems
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
solely
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sole
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 cause for
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
,
yet
Rephrase
apply
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there are unrejecting reasons for attaching job places
that
Correct word choice
where
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 they can play a vital role
to spend
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in spending
show examples
 their time meaningfully.
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure that the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion follow a clear and logical progression.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points in the essay need better support. Use specific examples, reasoning, and evidence to fully develop your ideas.
task achievement
The response to the task could be more complete. Ensure that you fully address both sides of the argument and provide a clear stance.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, but could be further developed with more depth and detail.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, but they need to be more specific and fully developed to effectively support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • sense of purpose
  • contributing to society
  • practical aspect
  • personal growth
  • skills development
  • workaholism
  • work-life balance
  • innovation
  • financial gain
  • significantly
  • self-improvement
  • motivator
What to do next:
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