IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#film #industry #influence #world #governments #duty #money #industries #cultures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that in these modern times, US movies are the most influential in terms of media entertainment globally.
Although
Linking Words
 each
government
Use synonyms
 must demonstrate actions to counteract
this
Linking Words
 trend to preserve the country's cultural identity, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 cannot allocate huge investments in
film
Use synonyms
 industries. Media entertainment is not exempted from the effects of globalization and the internet. Because of media platforms online, natives from different nationalities were highly influenced by the American movie business,
thus
Linking Words
 people prefer to watch US films than locally produced ones. One major disadvantage that concerns a number of people is that if
this
Linking Words
 scenario continues, people might lose their cultural originality in the near future.
This
Linking Words
 led to the idea that the
government
Use synonyms
 should subsidize the
film
Use synonyms
 stakeholders in order to preserve our origin.
However
Linking Words
, with the immense problems that countries all over the world tackle, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 cannot prioritize
this
Linking Words
 aspect. Producing a good
film
Use synonyms
 requires multitalented individuals and high-end equipment. Apparently, a large sum of money is needed to fund the movie business. Developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as the Philippines and Malaysia, cannot impractically spend huge budgets for
film
Use synonyms
-making. The list of national issues related to life and survival is endless and available funds are not even enough to address the problems of drought famine, and education are only a few of the real national problems. In my perspective, the
film
Use synonyms
 industry can be funded privately as it is highly profitable.
For example
Linking Words
, artists, directors, and other costs can be paid by companies and governments can award prizes to filmmakers covering the cultural origin of the country.
Submitted by sheenasedeno on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more focused and clear. The main points are supported adequately but the logical structure could be improved for better coherence.
task achievement
The response is complete but lacks depth and clarity. The ideas are comprehensive and relevant, but they need to be developed further to address the prompt more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Americanisation
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Local cinema
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Film subsidies
  • National identity
  • Artistic expression
  • Blockbusters
  • Cultural preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: