Do the advantages of living in villages outweighs living in cities

In modern society, some individuals assume that it is best to accept unpleasant circumstances,
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an unsatisfactory career or financial issues,
others share the same thought that it is more practical to strive to cope with these harsh scenarios. My following essay will thoroughly explore both perspectives and explain with opinions. On one hand, it is understandable for people to accept undesirable situations because of their background.
For instance
, there are numerous students whose family is stuck in poverty, so they have to drop out and give up a chance to go to university or
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higher education. If they decide to be postgraduates, their family can be in trouble with a great deal of
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which they have to pay for. For fear of being a financial burden to their family, a number of students who come from
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the lower
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class consider that the best way is
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to give
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up higher education,
, they go to work to help their
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. To my mind, In
cases, acceptance can be regarded as a reasonable solution which we can come up with.
On the other hand
, there are numerous reasons for people to
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for betterment. At
it will give you a chance to improve your living expectancy. When you develop yourself day by day, you will learn new skills,
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and observe
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new knowledge, all of which can be a way to solve your problem. If you keep staying without doing anything, nothing will change. But should you make a huge effort, you will stand a chance to work miracles to have a brighter future. From my perspective, I totally agree with
mindset. People should not have
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much sense of complacency in harsh situations, but fight for betterment, which I consider as a more effective solution to overcome several severe ordeals. Acceptance or tackling unwanted scenarios both have
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own perks. From my point of view, it is you who decide which is the best solution by flexibly using each method efficiently when you are taken into trouble.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in analyzing both perspectives. Ensure to provide a more balanced and comprehensive analysis of the given topic, discussing both sides equally with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is adequate, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to effectively frame your argument. Additionally, ensure that your main points are well supported and connected throughout the essay for better cohesion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary and expressions is fairly good, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use it accurately to convey your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates basic control of grammatical structures and sentence formation. However, there are instances of errors in verb tenses, sentence structure, and word usage. Strive for more accuracy and complexity in your language use to elevate your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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