IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others aComputers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #acomputers #consequences #argument
Nowadays, science and technology are expanding day by day and the
use
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and other
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 devices are gaining popularity all over the world. Recently, the
use
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 expanding in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 sector.
However
, some people consider
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a positive trend,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue it has negative effects. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and in the end, I will present my opinion. Looking at the first side of the argument,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in
education
 has several benefits.
Computer
Add an article
The computer
show examples
 connects
students
 globally
due to
this
 they can easily gain information from around the world.
Moreover
, through several programming
software
Add a comma
software,
show examples
students
 can solve
Add an article
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 easily and get
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 precise
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. Take MATLAB
for instance
, many mathematical problems
which took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 ages to solve on paper but through
this
 software one can easily solve and get more precise
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 in minutes just by giving some instruction.
On the other hand
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in
education
 can distract
students
. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 I
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a student may
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
while
 using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. They may
use
 some
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
such
 as Facebook, Instagram or some entertainment apps like Fortnite etc, which may waste their precious time and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 they may lose their grades.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
show examples
 study shows that 75% of
students
 all over the world
use
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. On the basis of the above arguments, it is concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 using
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for
education
 lead to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 more and more information and help in solving complex problems but it has a negative effect in term of distraction. In my opinion,
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can
be
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
use
 for
education
 under the strict supervision of parents and teachers so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can not
be misuses
Change the verb form
be misused
show examples
.
Submitted by umark5353 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness. It should clearly outline the discussion points and the writer's opinion. The conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly present the writer's opinion.
Logical Structure
The logical organization and development of ideas need improvement. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices should be consistent to link ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates sufficient use of vocabulary and includes relevant technical terms. However, there is room for improvement in using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise and formal language.
Grammatical Range
The essay has some noticeable grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement and word choice. Work on using a variety of sentence structures and accurate grammar to enhance coherence and clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: