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Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
In recent times,
people
 all over the world prefer to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban places rather than rural and
the
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apply
show examples
migration to
the
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apply
show examples
city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 leads to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increment in the
number
 of
people
 in cities.
This
 essay will consider
this
 issue as a drawback
due to
emerging
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the emerging
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
transportation and employment problems in
the
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apply
show examples
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
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.
To begin
 with, shifting the
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 by human beings to the cities causes
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase in
crowdness
Correct your spelling
crowds
crowdedness
 in public transportation and traffic. So
that
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apply
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, the majority
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
 during commuting because of
rising
Add an article
the rising
a rising
show examples
number
 of
people
 in urban parts of the countries. To give an instance, a person in Baku, the capital of Azerbaijan, loses approximately 2 hours in
traffic
Add an article
a traffic
the traffic
show examples
 jam.
Therefore
,
coming
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the coming
show examples
 of
people
 from the villages to the
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 decreases the level of well-being in the governments.
On the other hand
, in order to new human
recources
Correct your spelling
resources
, some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 encounter barriers
while
 finding a job.
Thus
, the unemployment rate within a country
surge
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surges
show examples
,
however
, the demand for
the
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apply
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employees in rural places
increase
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increases
show examples
 day by day as
wrong
Add an article
a wrong
the wrong
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 balance for the population among the parts of the country.
For example
,a recent study by Umut Evcen, a professor at Marmara
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
, states that the unemployment rate is 5 per cent higher compared to
last
 year in Turkey because of the
hight
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
 population in Istanbul. So, a rise in the figures of the
people
 in the Metropolises has demerits as difficulty in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. In conclusion, in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
number
 of humans
chooses
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choose
show examples
 to reside in the capital or the economic
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of countries. I ponder that moving to the urban areas has numerous minus effects on the development of the country in terms of the transportation sector and employment.
Submitted by babayeva.ilayda on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and fails to provide a clear and comprehensive response to the task. The examples provided do not effectively support the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task to some extent, but it lacks a clear and comprehensive response. The examples need to be more relevant and specific to support the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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