IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problem does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
There can be no doubt that
people
 not getting on with their
neighbours
 is a
problem
 in large cities. The core factor for
this
problem
 is the lack of face-to-face interaction and eventually
people
 will become ignorant toward each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 yet it can be countered by making social meetups for the citizens. It is
self evident
Add a hyphen
self-evident
show examples
 that many
people
 don't know about
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
neighbours
 because they never meet them directly. The main cause for
this
problem
 is the fact that more
people
 are using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 to stay in contact with their friends
thus
 making them lose the skill to communicate with strangers.
As a result
, residents will become less aware of the
people
 around them and
create
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more selfish individuals which can have a bad effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the social communities. Perhaps a solution to
this
problem
 is to hold events for
neighbours
 to go outside. The most efficient method is to cut the electricity in one particular area once in a
while
 so that
Correct article usage
the neighborhood
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 can have a public meeting outside without using any sort of technology.
Subsequently
,
neighbours
 will have opportunities to meet and talk about each others'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
This
 approach has been proven to be effective in Vietnam as more
people
 tend to learn about their
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
 after a cut in electricity happens in their living place. In conclusion, many
people
 do not know about their
neighbours
 as they rely on modern devices to communicate which can cause ignorance between citizens.
Therefore
this
 essay has demonstrated clear points
to
Change preposition
as to
show examples
 why making
people
 go out of their houses is a great way to tackle the
problem
.
Submitted by khoi11nk11e on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all ideas are relevant to the task given and thoroughly develop the main points. Include specific examples and avoid generalizations.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with some points not fully developed. Also, the conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarize the main points.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and use of tenses and articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: