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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in larges cities. What does the cause of this problem? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #larges #cities
In the present time, a wide
entent
Correct your spelling
extent
 of citizens are unable to identify their next-door
neighbours
 in
metropolis
Correct article usage
a metropolis
show examples
.
This
problem
 is attributable to the drawbacks of
city
life
.
However
, a range of
problems
 have been identified and need to be addressed.
This
problem
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
show examples
 with the busy
life
 of urban inhabitants.
Such
people
 are becoming as elusive as ever, which is the result of various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prevalent
problems
.
For instance
,
people
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to move to
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 that increase considerably the average population. In turn,
this
 lead to the
critation
Correct your spelling
creation
 of
life
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
living in
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
the apartment
show examples
 building.
As
Change preposition
On
show examples
 an individual level,
this
 kind of house is highly personal which prevents
people
 to know their
neighbours
.
Furthermore
,
people
 have to get by their own
life
.
For example
, to cope with financial
problems
 or
putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 their effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
stablizing
Correct your spelling
stabilising
 their
life
.
Consequently
, the disadvantages of
city
life
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the major reason to prevent
people
 from knowing their
neighbours
. To tackle
this
problem
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has taken profound
mesures
Correct your spelling
measures
 to
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people
 to start their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with their
neighbours
. Obviously, in recent years, the authority has relieved the economic strain by relevant actions like
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 tax and house deposit.
Moreover
,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have educated
people
 to be more proactive through social media. A recent survey
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that the standard of
city
life
 has improved
due to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
this
problem
 in some cities. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, these
serve
Verb problem
apply
show examples
solutions contribute to
spare
Wrong verb form
sparing
show examples
 the fate of being unable to identify the next-door
neighbours
. On balance, unknowing
neighbours
 in cities are unsettling
problems
, but there are many solutions to deal with it.
However
, these solutions are not permanent, and it is better for each individual to be proactive.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed to provide a clear overview of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the next, and use appropriate linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but the ideas are not fully developed. Provide more detailed and comprehensive ideas, and support them with relevant examples and evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively. Use a variety of words and phrases to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structures, use a wider range of grammatical structures, and aim for more accurate use of grammar to improve the grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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