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Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large city. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #city
In large cities,
careless
Correct article usage
the careless
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altitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
show examples
 of
people
 toward their neighbours is becoming a problem. The main cause could be given is the fast living
pace
 in cities, yet there is a solution of organising the
activities
 for
neighbourhood
Add an article
the neighbourhood
show examples
. There is a fact that the living style in cities
is isolating
Wrong verb form
isolates
show examples
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. The fast
pace
 of living would reduce the time
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
 could use for improving relations around them, eventually
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 citizens
to get
Change preposition
from getting
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 to know each other.
This
 is true in New York, where, work
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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 from day to night since the daily jobs
is
Change the verb form
are
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 massive,
people
 have to fit in with the
fast
Correct word choice
fast-paced
show examples
 living
pace
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they do not have time for their neighbours.
However
, a solution could be given to the
government
 about events and
activities
. The greatest approach is that the
government
 could hold an event which requires teamwork for
people
 in the
neighbourhood
 to take part in. As they participate in these events and
activities
,
people
 would work together and have similar feelings,
this
 action of
government
 would naturally develop the bond between
people
 and their neighbours. An example of the
Replace the word
effectiveness
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effective
Replace the word
effectiveness
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 of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
these
activities
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 Finland, where
Correct article usage
the neighbourhood
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neighbourhood
Correct article usage
the neighbourhood
show examples
 would celebrate the new year together in the culture centre or outside the road and
this
 event
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a positive
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
Replace the word
effect
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effected
Replace the word
effect
show examples
Change preposition
on
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their relationship. In conclusion, the fast living
pace
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 taken
people
’s time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improve and expand their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the
government
 could organize an event or activity
for developing
Change preposition
to develop
show examples
 bonds in the
neighbourhood
 as a solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of the essay by organizing the content into clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the key points.
task achievement
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and directly related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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