Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can done about this?

Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
are likely to have little time to socialize with their neighbours.
This
is happening
due to
the busy lives which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
caused by the urbanization and industrialization in major cities.
This
issue can be addressed by doing outdoor
activities
. The main reason why
people
do not know their neighbours is that they are too busy to care about it. Individuals must work hard in order to offer income for their daily
activities
.
For example
, in a nuclear family, both the husband and the wife have a nine-to-five job, working enthusiastically to earn high revenue.
Moreover
, they have to chart to retain their positions in the workplace so that they can be promoted and get higher salaries. Another point to discuss is the frequency of traffic jams in metropolitans, especially during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rush hour, so employees are always stuck in the traffic and waste a lot of time in the day.
As a result
,
people
do not have enough time to communicate with their neighbours, they want to get rest to regain their energy to start a new day.
However
,
this
problem can be resolved by social outdoor
activities
.
People
can celebrate a ceremony together during some traditional events. They can
also
hold on weekly parties which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
take place in someone's house.
For individuals
Change preposition
Individuals
show examples
who already have a family,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can let their children play with other children in the neighbourhood and create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
.
Consequently
, the children are not the only ones who make new friends but
as well as
their parents. In conclusion, bustling lives can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how residents recognize the
people
surround them. But
this
current predicament can possibly be alleviated by
activities
that bring everyone closer
such
as cheering an event together,
letting
Correct word choice
and letting
show examples
their offspring play with each other.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic but does not fully develop the ideas, leading to a lack of clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and depth. The essay would benefit from stronger connections between ideas and better organization of supporting points.
lexical resource
The lexical resource used in the essay is adequate, but the vocabulary and language choice could be more varied and precise. Additionally, there are some instances of inaccurate word usage and awkward phrasing.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word form. More accurate and complex sentence structures would enhance the overall language proficiency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: