IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion?

#people #food #companies
Some people might find fast
food
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
be
show examples
 junk
food
 that
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 unhealthy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
. Which is true if we consume them
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. As for me, fast
food
 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 any other
food
 and beverage company that
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to gain a profit. They
also
 have their own strategies to attract customers. One of which is by advertising their brand to other people. I disagree with the statement since in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it's quite unfair to make a company decrease their income by not allowing them to do the advertisement. It feels like fast
food
 has already been judged as "please don't eat
this
food
". At the same time, I think fast
food
 can be an option for
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who need
food
 in a hurry. So, it proves that fast
food
 isn't that bad.
At the end
 of the day,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not allowing fast
food
 to advertise is considered to be unfair for the company since they
also
 need profit. People always have their own choice whether they eat healthy
food
 or the contrary.
Submitted by asyifannisakh on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a fair level of coherence and cohesion with a mostly logical structure.
task achievement
The essay's response to the task is somewhat complete but lacks thorough development and relevant examples. More focus on specific examples and comprehensive ideas would enhance task achievement.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is adequate, but there is room for improvement in the use of a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choice.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a decent control of grammatical range, but attention to more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms would further enhance the overall quality of the language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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