Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
So far, pupils
take
unhealthy cuisine and sugar drinks and a lot of schools earn money from Verb problem
eat
this
circumstance and supply benefits. In my opinion, there are negative improvements. ı will outline the reason in the following paragraphs.
First of all, many schools to gain money unhealthy can sell food and students
might eat something like that. Nowadays, students
do not eat and drink at home due to
parents have been working all of time
and Add an article
the time
this people
do not Change the determiner
this person
these people
rise
a child Correct your spelling
raise
therefore
many pupils prefer eat
unhealthy food at Fix the infinitive
to eat
the
school Correct article usage
apply
moreover
either students
lose weight or gain a
weight because of unhealthy life. Remove the article
apply
for instance
ı have a nephew who go
to Change the verb form
goes
the
school when she commence she has got thin face but after Correct article usage
apply
that
she put on Add a comma
that,
the
weight and one of the Correct article usage
apply
students
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
this
issue furthermore
everyone do
not do about Change the verb form
does
this
subject particularly
the government.
In my view, the government should have scrutinized Add the comma(s)
, particularly
that
use Correct determiner usage
the
the
ingredients if it Change preposition
of the
do to
control Verb problem
apply
students
or teachers may hazardous
.
Columbia University docent doctor Alex Add a missing verb
be hazardous
graham bell
articulate that young people should nutrition regularly every time. it is significant stuff because between 15 - Correct your spelling
Graham Bell
25
in ages is improving muscles. At the same Correct word choice
and 25
time
parents pay attention to the situation. It seems that these conditions might be perilous Add a comma
time,
hence
everyone should produce our children.
Conclusion
, the government should take Change preposition
In conclusion
a
control Remove the article
apply
all
academic places and Change preposition
of all
besides
people who have a child, they should pay attention. schools do not allow selling unhealthy food.Submitted by iremerdem017 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that you address all aspects of the task and provide a well-supported response.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner, using clear transitions and logical progression of ideas.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary and use appropriate expressions to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structure, accuracy, and variety to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.