IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
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So far, pupils
take
Verb problem
eat
show examples
 unhealthy cuisine and sugar drinks and a lot of schools earn money from
this
Linking Words
 circumstance and supply benefits. In my opinion, there are negative improvements. ı will outline the reason in the following paragraphs. First of all, many schools to gain money unhealthy can sell food and
students
Use synonyms
 might eat something like that. Nowadays,
students
Use synonyms
 do not eat and drink at home
due to
Linking Words
 parents have been working all of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 and
Linking Words
this people
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
 do not
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 a child
therefore
Linking Words
 many pupils prefer
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
 unhealthy food at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
moreover
Linking Words
 either
students
Use synonyms
 lose weight or gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
weight because of unhealthy life.
for instance
Linking Words
 ı have a nephew who
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school when she commence she has got thin face but after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 she put on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight and one of the
students
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue
furthermore
Linking Words
 everyone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not do about
this
Linking Words
 subject
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 the government. In my view, the government should have scrutinized
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 use
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 ingredients if it
do to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
control
students
Use synonyms
 or teachers may
hazardous
Add a missing verb
be hazardous
show examples
. Columbia University docent doctor Alex
graham bell
Correct your spelling
Graham Bell
show examples
 articulate that young people should nutrition regularly every time. it is significant stuff because between 15 -
25
Correct word choice
and 25
show examples
 in ages is improving muscles. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 parents pay attention to the situation. It seems that these conditions might be perilous
hence
Linking Words
 everyone should produce our children.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, the government should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
control
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 academic places and
besides
Linking Words
 people who have a child, they should pay attention. schools do not allow selling unhealthy food.
Submitted by iremerdem017 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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