In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, advertising
get
Wrong verb form
is getting
show examples
more and more
involed
Correct your spelling
involved
in our daily lives. Some people think that
effects on
Correct your spelling
affects an
show examples
individual's health problem or
involed
Correct your spelling
involved
on family's
agurement
Correct your spelling
agreement
. I
storngly
Correct your spelling
strongly
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that advertising to
childern
Correct your spelling
children
should be punished. Because it does
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
our daily lives special with young
children
it makes kids want to spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
game
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
make them
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
confused
wants
Correct word choice
and wants
show examples
to try
acholo
Correct your spelling
alcohol
school
or
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. Our daily lives
gettting
Correct your spelling
getting
busy
Replace the word
busier
show examples
and busier,
most
Correct word choice
and most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
spend a lot of time on devices to play games.There are a lot of violent games
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
advertising on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
deviced
Correct your spelling
devised
device
devices
, once kids get addicted
Change preposition
to it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, it might change their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
, one of my friend's child, he was a lovely
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
show examples
person. The
parnets
Correct your spelling
parents
instaed
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instead
take him to do outdoor
actitives
Correct your spelling
activities
buy him
a computer games
Correct the article-noun agreement
a computer game
computer games
show examples
to play. There are
advertisings
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
between and now he played
he's
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
violent game for a
while
and his life
cmpleted
Wrong verb form
has completely
show examples
changed. He became a Violent child and there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
one can
control
him. In that case, we should
punished
Change the verb form
punish
show examples
parnets
Correct your spelling
parents
. There is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
age
control
of
acholo
Correct your spelling
alcohol
or
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
advertisings
Fix the agreement mistake
advertising
show examples
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenage
Add an article
the teenage
show examples
children
get
interrput
Correct your spelling
interrupted
interrupt
by it so easily and there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
control
for them
wanting
Change the verb form
to want
show examples
to try it. In that case, there are some health issues
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
involed
Correct your spelling
involved
.
For example
, it can
damged
Correct your spelling
damage
damaged
their undeveloped
oragns
Correct your spelling
organs
or systems. It
also
led to Lung diseases.
To sum up
, advertising does
created
Change the verb form
create
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
problem
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
many
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
should get
invioles
Correct your spelling
involved
involves
Advertising and
control
it.
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and the structure is unclear. The introduction and conclusion need improvement. Develop your points with clear examples to support your argument.
task achievement
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt and the ideas are not presented clearly. Develop a clear position and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
The word choice and usage of vocabulary are not appropriate for academic writing. Use a wider range of vocabulary and improve the accuracy of your expressions.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors. Use a variety of sentence structures and verb forms. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence punctuation.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • critical thinking
  • childhood obesity
  • materialistic
  • consumerism
  • conflict
  • regulations
  • ethical marketing
  • media literacy
  • unrealistic standards
  • body image
  • parental controls
  • freedom of speech
  • purchasing decisions
  • advertising content
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