In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, advertising
get
more and more Wrong verb form
is getting
involed
in our daily lives. Some people think that Correct your spelling
involved
effects on
individual's health problem or Correct your spelling
affects an
involed
on family's Correct your spelling
involved
agurement
. I Correct your spelling
agreement
storngly
Correct your spelling
strongly
beleive
that advertising to Correct your spelling
believe
childern
should be punished. Because it does Correct your spelling
children
effect
our daily lives special with young Correct your spelling
affect
children
it makes kids want to spend money on the
game Correct article usage
apply
also
make them Correct word choice
and also
getting
confused Wrong verb form
get
wants
to try Correct word choice
and wants
acholo
or Correct your spelling
alcohol
school
tabaco
.
Our daily lives Correct your spelling
tobacco
gettting
Correct your spelling
getting
busy
and busier, Replace the word
busier
most
Correct word choice
and most
of
Change preposition
apply
children
spend a lot of time on devices to play games.There are a lot of violent games are
advertising on Unnecessary verb
apply
the
technology Correct article usage
apply
deviced
, once kids get addicted Correct your spelling
devised
device
devices
Change preposition
to it
it
, it might change their Correct pronoun usage
them
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
For example
, one of my friend's child, he was a lovely out door
person. The Correct your spelling
outdoor
parnets
Correct your spelling
parents
instaed
take him to do outdoor Correct your spelling
instead
actitives
buy him Correct your spelling
activities
a computer games
to play. There are Correct the article-noun agreement
a computer game
computer games
advertisings
in Replace the word
advertisements
the
between and now he played Correct article usage
apply
he's
violent game for a Correct your spelling
his
while
and his life cmpleted
changed. He became a Violent child and there is Wrong verb form
has completely
not
one can Correct your spelling
no
control
him. In that case, we should punished
Change the verb form
punish
parnets
.
There is Correct your spelling
parents
not
age Correct your spelling
no
control
of acholo
or Correct your spelling
alcohol
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
advertisings
. Most Fix the agreement mistake
advertising
of
Change preposition
apply
teenage
Add an article
the teenage
children
get interrput
by it so easily and there is Correct your spelling
interrupted
interrupt
not
Correct your spelling
no
control
for them wanting
to try it. In that case, there are some health issues Change the verb form
to want
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
involed
. Correct your spelling
involved
For example
, it can damged
their undeveloped Correct your spelling
damage
damaged
oragns
or systems. It Correct your spelling
organs
also
led to Lung diseases.
To sum up
, advertising does created
Change the verb form
create
healthy
problem Correct article usage
a healthy
also
Correct word choice
and also
change
many Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
children
's behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Goverment
should get Correct your spelling
Government
invioles
Advertising and Correct your spelling
involved
involves
control
it.Submitted by kimi080810 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and the structure is unclear. The introduction and conclusion need improvement. Develop your points with clear examples to support your argument.
task achievement
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt and the ideas are not presented clearly. Develop a clear position and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
The word choice and usage of vocabulary are not appropriate for academic writing. Use a wider range of vocabulary and improve the accuracy of your expressions.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors. Use a variety of sentence structures and verb forms. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence punctuation.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite