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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million
#data #railway #system #six #cities #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #million
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The given table illustrates
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
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 railway system in six different cities: London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that the most used
metro
Use synonyms
 system is in Japan, and the
last
Linking Words
 one is in Kyoto. It can be seen that
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 is in London, since it opened in 1863.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 one has the longest route, because of the 394
kilometres
Use synonyms
, even though it is only the third one in the most passenger
numerbs
Correct your spelling
numbers
. In 1900 the Parisian
line
Use synonyms
built
Add a missing verb
was built
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 and has the second longest
kilometres
Use synonyms
, which is 199. Paris
metro
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
 reaches the second most people numbers. After 27 years, the
Tokyio
Correct your spelling
Tokyo
metro
Use synonyms
 was available in 1927 which has the most passengers per year,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 its
lenght
Correct your spelling
length
 is only 155km. In Washington DC the
line
Use synonyms
 opened in 1976, with 126
kilometres
Use synonyms
 route.
This
Linking Words
 railway's frequency
decrased
Correct your spelling
decreased
under
Change preposition
to under
show examples
 150 passengers per year. The 1981's Kyoto
line
Use synonyms
 is the smallest in
kilometres
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 and
also
Linking Words
 in the quantity of
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
. In 2001 Los Angeles
line
Use synonyms
 opened with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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28
kilometres
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 and 50 million passengers per year. In summary, the most popular railway is in
Tokyio
Correct your spelling
Tokyo
,
likewise
Linking Words
 in Paris.
In addition
Linking Words
, notably the youngest
metro
Use synonyms
 is in Los Angeles .
Submitted by palvdori on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words metro, line, kilometres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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