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Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important and too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
While
 some
people
 think that it is good to share as much
information
 as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world, others believe that some
information
 is too important to be shared freely. In my opinion, some
information
 should not be accessed freely because a lot of effort has been put in by some researchers to discover it. On the one hand,
according to
 some, sharing as much
information
 as possible in some fields is a good choice for some reasons.
Firstly
, there are many things that need to be discovered by some individuals who hope to find the answers to their questions.
Thus
, it is kind of humanity to let them know the answers to their questions.
Secondly
, there is a lot of precious
information
 which is useful for some
people
 , especially university students.
For example
, in order for Master's degree students to complete their education, they need to find a lot of available data from previous research to justify their research topics, and
this
 is undoubtedly challenging if they are not available for free.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe not all
information
 should be available for free. and I agree. One reason is that in order to get some
information
, some researchers have invested a huge amount of time and money. If
people
 can simply get it for free, their efforts will not be appreciated.
Hence
, they should be given some sort of contribution in terms of financial assistance.
That is
 to say,
people
 who need their data should at least pay them some portion of the money. Another reason is that some
information
 is too private to be shared. In some cases,
this
information
 can be used wrongly which can affect others negatively.
For instance
, the methods of inventing bombs should not simply be published in any sites or books because they can be used wrongly by terror organisations which can affect many other countries.
To sum up
,
although
people
 may vary in their opinions. I think that not every
information
 should be available for everyone for free. If the government restricted the
information
 available online, it would benefit the researchers and the nations as well.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents clear and comprehensive ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, and your ideas are well-supported throughout the essay. However, pay attention to smoother transitions between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Your essay shows a good range of vocabulary and effectively conveys your ideas. Ensure consistency in academic language usage and consider using more formal vocabulary in some instances.
Grammatical Range
Your grammar and sentence structure are generally accurate. However, watch out for subject-verb agreement and article usage errors. Also, work on using varied sentence structures to enhance the complexity of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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