IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

‘Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other.’ To what extent do you agree with this idea?

#‘tourism #force #people #countries #idea
The role of
tourism
 in the world today is widely debated, with some people claiming that it is indeed a force for international understanding.
However
, I personally do not entirely accept
this
, and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, we must consider the potential negatives of contact between cultures.
For example
, when
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
tourists
 visit untouched parts of the world, their stay causes pollution for local societies. We see
this
 in the litter left at Machu Picchu in Peru, and in the damage to ecology caused by safari
tourism
 in Africa.
Furthermore
, there are numerous examples of tension between
tourists
 and local cultures, ranging from drunken British
tourists
 in Europe to American ‘spring breakers’ in Canadian or Latin American resorts. In these cases,
tourism
 actually leads to resentment and distrust between nationalities, not
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding. A
further
 reason to be wary of
this
 idea is the economic aspect. It is sometimes said that
tourism
 improves international relations because it encourages the flow of money from wealthy to less developed countries. In reality,
however
, the wealth generated usually stays in the hands of private companies or local officials
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and rarely drips down into the population. Many of us have visited less developed nations as
tourists
, and have witnessed
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
 the poverty that exists outside the confines of the resort hotels. We leave with the impression that our stay has contributed nothing to the lives of those we have observed.
This
 is not to say that
tourism
 is entirely bad, of course. There are benefits in terms of improving local infrastructure
such
 as roads and airports. But to say that it is ‘always a force for good’ is to ignore the various problems it causes.
Submitted by asyifannisakh on

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Task Response
The essay responds effectively to the task, providing a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant examples and arguments. However, it would benefit from a more balanced consideration of the opposing viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, more explicit signposting of the main points and their relationships within paragraphs would enhance coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary with varied and appropriate use of language. However, some overgeneralizations and lack of precision in expression could be improved.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains a wide range of grammatical structures, displaying controlled and accurate use of complex language. However, some minor errors in punctuation and sentence structure are present.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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