IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that the current system of both teachers and students in the classroom will no longer exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

#people #system #teachers #students #classroom #year
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A lot of things
had been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 changed since that technology arrived, especially about online education.
People
Use synonyms
 who can not go to school for several reasons can watch their
class
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 at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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home and it is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main reason why
people
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 believe that the current system of
teachers
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 and
students
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 in the
class
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 will not exist in some years,
although
Linking Words
 I believe
that is
Linking Words
 not true. In my opinion,
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 with
students
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 and
teachers
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 will
keep
Verb problem
last
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 forever or at least for longs decades. Following above I will explain justification. 


Use synonyms
Class
Add an article
The class
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 between
students
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 and
teachers
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 always
exists
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existed
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 since
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 times when only boys
was
Change the verb form
were
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 available to be part of education. Nowadays, both girls and boys
has
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have
show examples
 access to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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it and through
school
Add a comma
school,
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 they can desenvolve their knowledge and social life. Being in
group
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a group
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 with different
type
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types
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 of
people
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 can improve
culture
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the culture
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 of
diversity
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a diverse
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 population. In
additional
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addition
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, they will
learning
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learn
be learning
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 to be respectful with one another and
empathy
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empathise
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 with other
students
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,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 sharing a toy or
huge
Correct your spelling
hug
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 someone that
felt
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fell
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 down on the floor.
Moreover
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,
teachers
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also
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 can have a great experience having
students
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 all together in the same space. The first think
of
Change preposition
about
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
thinking
Verb problem
apply
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how each one can be completely different from
each
Correct determiner usage
the
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 and how
teachers
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 will delay with
students
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 and their
believes
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beliefs
show examples
.
For example
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, if some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
show
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shows
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 up with some
difficult
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difficulty
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 not about a math problem, but about their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, it could make the professional figure out how to solve it and
wondering
Wrong verb form
wonder
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 what answer could be more
adapt
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adaptable
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 to a specific student. Social life is truly important, children or adults who do not have a relationship with others can have serious problems in the future
to
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with
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 communication,
or
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apply
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simply
to make
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making
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 new friends or
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
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 personal problems. Being in
group
Add an article
a group
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,
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 challenges and learning how to solve them in
way
Add an article
a way
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 friendly can help when they grow up together.
On the other hand
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, it can become complicated when turned
adults
Change preposition
into adults
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.
Finally
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, I do not believe that
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
with
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 not exist anymore in the future. Humans were born to have a social life and stay together as
family
Add an article
a family
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for example
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. In
Correct article usage
the Covid
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Covid Pandemic
Correct your spelling
COVID-19 pandemic
, a bunch of
people
Use synonyms
 had deep problems being alone without a
parter
Correct your spelling
partner
show examples
 or someone around just to talk. And in my point of view, the same could
happens
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 if
classroom
Correct article usage
a classroom
show examples
 with
students
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 will not exist.
Submitted by cristina.gpereira on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual reality
  • augmented reality
  • traditional teaching methods
  • personalized learning
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • global connectivity
  • online platforms
  • obsolete
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • digital classrooms
  • economic factors
  • maintaining physical school buildings
  • online learning environments
  • social interaction
  • practical learning experiences
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