IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the fast pace and the stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decades, many people have believed that the speed and stress of contemporary lifestyles are harmful to families. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because the lack of
time
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 to spend with family members and the
anxiety
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 coming from
traffic
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 lead to serious complications, both these reasons will be elaborated in
this
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 essay. First and foremost , having limited
time
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 after working hours may prevent individuals from spending
time
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 at home . As
time
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 is the most precious treasure we have,
therefore
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, people tend to spend most of their
time
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 on their business to expand it
further
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.
Therefore
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, so little
time
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 left for family members and unfortunately, bonds start to weaken .
For instance
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, when I arrive home at 20:00 from work, I can only find
time
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 to take care of my hygiene, shower and get some rest rather than chatting with my children for an hour.
Additionally
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, sometimes spouses manage their timetable
according to
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 the busier partner to manage
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
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 together for a trip ,
therefore
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 hardship of modern life negatively affects the spouses' love life as well. Another negative effect of modern life is the
anxiety
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 from road
traffic
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. Today in many metropolitan cities almost everyone owns a car and drives individually to work and back home.
This
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 increasing number of cars makes
the
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apply
show examples
transit worse day by day,
hence
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, people get stuck in
traffic
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 in their free hours many times every week.
For instance
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, a study on statistics shows that the rate of
anxiety
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 that arises from driving on busy roads has led to a 40% increase in family conflicts in London.
Moreover
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, the stress from parents affected the children's
overall
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 mental well-being and manner. In conclusion, ultimately, I agree that today's high-speed busy lives and stress from road
traffic
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 have negative effects on families from two aspects.
First,
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busy career lives leave so little chance
to
Correct word choice
for
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families to
tinteract
Correct your spelling
interact
 enough and
this
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 weakens family bonds eventually.
secondly
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,
anxiety
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 about driving in
traffic
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 has led to a 40% increase in family conflicts and a decline in children's mental health state.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly between paragraphs with cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear position and argument throughout, which is essential for a high score on task response.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern life
  • fast pace
  • stress
  • negative effect
  • family bonds
  • working hours
  • conflicts
  • advancements in technology
  • distract
  • family time
  • financial pressures
  • living standards
  • strain
  • individuals
  • family activities
  • traditions
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