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Band 4

It is common for people to travel long distance for work and study.some argue that longer commute times affect people in a negative way while others disagree. Discuss the both views and give ypur opinion.

#people #travel #distance #work #study #argue #times #ypur
Even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 are very busy
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their jobs
as well as
 studies, they may experience a longer commute
time
.some
people
 state that travelling long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 for work or study brings negative effects on them
while
 others
holding
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 the opposite idea.In my point of view, it depends on the outcome of one's career commitment.In
this
 essay, both views will be analysed to draw a conclusion. On one hand, most
people
struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
 to make their goals realistic despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the challenges they face.
For example
 , as good parenthood,
people
 try to
attend
Verb problem
take
show examples
 their children to school in cities rather than in
Correct article usage
the country
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country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 in order to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
student friendly
Add a hyphen
student-friendly
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 environment and better facilities for education.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
people
 immigrate to town
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 for services like supermarkets, health care, shopping complexes and
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
 libraries regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
time
 they consume to reach and return.
Moreover
, individuals who
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
, try to identify more trends than issues in their job field and promotions as well.
As a result
,though the public spend long duration
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling,they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 better outcome for their commitment in return.
On the other hand
,longer commute
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 cause more stress in
people
.
For instance
, if
somone
Correct your spelling
someone
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
 a traffic jam on the way to his job, he mentally struggles with the
time
 taken to reach the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
This
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 him
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
emotional damage.As well, when returning home, everybody
wish
Change the verb form
wishes
show examples
 to arrive early to their destination and women reschedule the rest of the day for
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
dutoes
Correct your spelling
duties
 and plans for tomorrow. If it takes much
time
 to travel,
people
 may get tired easily and
fedup
Correct your spelling
fed up
fed-up
 with household activities.
This
 is an emotional burden.
To sum up
, apart from the mental disturbances, most of the public manage all those tasks enthusiastically to achieve their goals.
Therefore
, long commute times do not always negatively impact the community.
However
, if the distribution of resources takes place with equal strength across society and if globalization positively affects rural areas as well, a better tomorrow will emerge.
Submitted by udesudeshikakalpani11 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion on the topic. Additionally, use relevant and specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Use appropriate transitions to connect the ideas and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are well-presented.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used in the essay. Also, pay attention to word choice and use academic language where appropriate.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct.

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