IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that students should take a gap year after graduating high school to work. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

#people #students #gap #year #school #work
It is claimed that taking a
gap
year
 before entering university is necessary for
students
 to gain more
experience
 . In my opinion ,
while
 it is true that
students
 can go anywhere to get some
experience
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
 , I believe that it brings
difficultly
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 for
students
 First of all,
students
 can enrich their
experience
 of life as opportunities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 seen easily or not easily fooled . Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers who
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school, take a
gap
year
 before enrolling in college to
experience
internship
Fix the agreement mistake
internships
show examples
 or take On the one hand, Before registering in college, having
experience
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their field as apprenticeship and working with potential employers, is the best opportunity related to
specialist
Correct article usage
a specialist
show examples
 subject.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on academic gain to be successful in the business.a rest so their future career will be enhanced . Another reason for
students
 to take a
gap
year
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 accumulate knowledge of
major
Correct pronoun usage
their major
show examples
 . If they picked
unpopular
Correct article usage
an unpopular
show examples
 field of study , it would be
direct
Add an article
a direct
the direct
show examples
 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their result of future life.
On the other hand
 , it’s possible that after 1
year
 , more and more young people
be
Verb problem
will
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 away from studying and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be not interested in
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 so don’t tend to enroll in university and
consequently
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
lead to be unrestrained.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, in some countries, if boys who passed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
that don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
show examples
 inclined to
registry
Replace the word
register
show examples
university
Change preposition
for university
show examples
 have to pass military
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 so they
lagging
Wrong verb form
lag
show examples
 behind
growth
Change preposition
in growth
show examples
 and progress. In
gap
year
 , if they didn’t have
experience
 , they would
be fail
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
 to gain useful
experience
 or a good job and waste one
year
 In conclusion ,
delay
Wrong verb form
delaying
show examples
 tertiary education for one
year
 has some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 but it
also
 has
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
Submitted by my251e3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure you stay on topic and fully answer the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. Work on structuring your ideas logically and linking them together.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, verb agreement, and use of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: