Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities and other believe it is imporatant for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Part of people believe that
parents
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should teach their
children
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to participate in
activities
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, which involve multiple
children
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and
others
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think
children
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should learn to enjoy their own company by getting involved in
activities
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that only include them.
However
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, I firmly believe in the idea of pushing
children
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to get into team
activities
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because they would be able to make connections with
others
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as well as
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get a chance to learn something unique from
others
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. I feel
parents
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should teach their
children
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to take part in team
activities
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because minors would have the opportunity to make new
friends
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. Every
time
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when they will participate, they will get a chance to get to know new
children
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around them. As the
time
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goes by, the friendship will grow even more deeper.
Therefore
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, juveniles would be able to make new relations.
Due to
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these connections, minors can learn new
skills
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from
others
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because every child is different. By grouping them together in group
activities
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, it is going to be so easier for juveniles to adopt new
skills
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from their
friends
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while
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enjoying.
On the other hand
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, some individuals think it is fine if
parents
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give an opportunity to
children
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to utilize their free
time
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with themselves because
this
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would be really helpful to make them independent in life. By investing
time
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in themselves, they will have
time
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to think about the things that seem fascinating to them and can grow the
skills
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in order to do them and polish
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
skills
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over the years.
For instance
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, my younger brother used to draw all the
time
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during his playtime when he was a child rather than playing with other
children
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. But, he has grown that skill perfectly that he is a great sketch artist at the age of 16. All
this
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was possible because he was so involved with himself
instead
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of playing around with
others
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. That sketching skill has made him independent in terms of happiness
as well as
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money. In conclusion, some find the idea of letting the
children
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alone to occupy themselves on their own so that they can become independent.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly think that
parents
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should push
children
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to involve themselves in teamwork
activities
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so that they can make their
friends
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circle, which would be beneficial for them in return because they can learn new skill sets from their
friends
Use synonyms
Submitted by ksamandeep03 on

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task achievement
Start with a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical connections between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like your younger brother's experience adds depth to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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