Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities and other believe it is imporatant for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #imporatant

Part of people believe that

parents

should teach their

children

to participate in

activities

, which involve multiple

children

and

others

think

children

should learn to enjoy their own company by getting involved in

activities

that only include them.

However

, I firmly believe in the idea of pushing

children

to get into team

activities

because they would be able to make connections with

others

as well as

get a chance to learn something unique from

others

. I feel

parents

should teach their

children

to take part in team

activities

because minors would have the opportunity to make new

friends

. Every

time

when they will participate, they will get a chance to get to know new

children

around them. As the

time

goes by, the friendship will grow even more deeper.

Therefore

, juveniles would be able to make new relations.

Due to

these connections, minors can learn new

skills

from

others

because every child is different. By grouping them together in group

activities

, it is going to be so easier for juveniles to adopt new

skills

from their

friends

while

enjoying.

On the other hand

, some individuals think it is fine if

parents

give an opportunity to

children

to utilize their free

time

with themselves because

this

would be really helpful to make them independent in life. By investing

time

in themselves, they will have

time

to think about the things that seem fascinating to them and can grow the

skills

in order to do them and polish

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

skills

over the years.

For instance

, my younger brother used to draw all the

time

during his playtime when he was a child rather than playing with other

children

. But, he has grown that skill perfectly that he is a great sketch artist at the age of 16. All

this

was possible because he was so involved with himself

instead

of playing around with

others

. That sketching skill has made him independent in terms of happiness

as well as

money. In conclusion, some find the idea of letting the

children

alone to occupy themselves on their own so that they can become independent.

Nevertheless

, I strongly think that

parents

should push

children

to involve themselves in teamwork

activities

so that they can make their

friends

circle, which would be beneficial for them in return because they can learn new skill sets from their

friends

Submitted by ksamandeep03 on Thu Jul 11 2024

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task achievement

Start with a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical connections between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.

task achievement

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both perspectives on the topic.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

The use of specific examples like your younger brother's experience adds depth to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

391 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities and other believe it is imporatant for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people thinhk that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect on young people'reading and writing skills . to what extend do you agree or disagree

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Directors of large organisations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers. Some think it is necessary, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing, Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing,  Do you think this is a positive or negative development?