Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities and other believe it is imporatant for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Part of people believe that
parents
should teach their children
to participate in activities
, which involve multiple children
and others
think children
should learn to enjoy their own company by getting involved in activities
that only include them. However
, I firmly believe in the idea of pushing children
to get into team activities
because they would be able to make connections with others
as well as
get a chance to learn something unique from others
.
I feel parents
should teach their children
to take part in team activities
because minors would have the opportunity to make new friends
. Every time
when they will participate, they will get a chance to get to know new children
around them. As the time
goes by, the friendship will grow even more deeper. Therefore
, juveniles would be able to make new relations. Due to
these connections, minors can learn new skills
from others
because every child is different. By grouping them together in group activities
, it is going to be so easier for juveniles to adopt new skills
from their friends
while
enjoying.
On the other hand
, some individuals think it is fine if parents
give an opportunity to children
to utilize their free time
with themselves because this
would be really helpful to make them independent in life. By investing time
in themselves, they will have time
to think about the things that seem fascinating to them and can grow the skills
in order to do them and polish that
Correct determiner usage
those
skills
over the years. For instance
, my younger brother used to draw all the time
during his playtime when he was a child rather than playing with other children
. But, he has grown that skill perfectly that he is a great sketch artist at the age of 16. All this
was possible because he was so involved with himself instead
of playing around with others
. That sketching skill has made him independent in terms of happiness as well as
money.
In conclusion, some find the idea of letting the children
alone to occupy themselves on their own so that they can become independent. Nevertheless
, I strongly think that parents
should push children
to involve themselves in teamwork activities
so that they can make their friends
circle, which would be beneficial for them in return because they can learn new skill sets from their friends
Submitted by ksamandeep03 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Start with a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical connections between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like your younger brother's experience adds depth to the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!