IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
#population #country #age #group #forecast
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The line chart illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan’s
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 by
years
Change the noun form
year
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 category beginning in 1960 and counting a prediction
2040
Change preposition
for 2040
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, is clear that the middle population rose sharply and those aged 0-14 and
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 decreased slowly.
Also
Linking Words
, the same trends are projected for 2040. Looking for more details, the number of the youngest and the middle
age
Use synonyms
 decreased
steady
Change the adjective
steadily
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 in
Japan Individuals
Correct your spelling
Japanese individuals
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
 0-14 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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slumped dramatically from 30% to around 12%,
whereas
Linking Words
, the middle
age
Use synonyms
 rose significantly
at
Change preposition
apply
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above 50% to 60%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1960 until 1990 and there will be a steady drop in the number
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 50% in 1990 to 2040. In early 1960, the elderly increased significantly
at
Change preposition
from
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 above 15% to 50% until 2040.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those will be a dramatic rise in the number of
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 65+.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1960 to 1970,
the
Remove the article
apply
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it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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maintained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same level
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 15% for the elderly in Japan.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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