In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a results od eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food
Nowadays, the development of cities
become
faster and Wrong verb form
is becoming
fatser
, meanwhile, Correct your spelling
faster
people
used to eat fast food
to higer
their working Correct your spelling
higher
effeciency
as Correct your spelling
efficiency
people
can finish their lunch whithin
15 minutes. Correct your spelling
within
However
, fast food
is not good for human's
Change noun form
human
health
and it may cause several health
problems. As a result
, the higher rax rating of government
is said. Correct article usage
the government
This
essay will show my point of views
.
Fix the agreement mistake
view
First,
imposing a higher tax
can reduce the frequency of people
buying fast food
. People
are not willing to purchase any stuff that is
more expensive than they expected. After the higher tax
rating, the price of fast food
will be increased based on the original price. People
mat
tend to have Correct your spelling
may
anyother
Correct your spelling
other
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
food
rather than spending a not
suitable money to buy Verb problem
spend
the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
. Therefore
, imposing a higher tax
can reduce the frequeny
of Correct your spelling
frequency
people
buying fast food
,due to
this
reason, the health
of people
will be improve
.
Change the verb form
be improved
On the other hand
, it can also
redue
the number of Correct your spelling
reduce
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
food
shop
. In order to run a Fix the agreement mistake
shops
shop
, a large amount of capital should be used on the land renting, cost
of raw materials and the cost of hiring workers. Under the higher Correct article usage
the cost
tax
of
fast Change preposition
on
food
, the shop
owner may not want to spend more extra money, so, they will not make the choice of opening a fast food
shop
. It implies that this
policy can effectively reduce the number of fast food
shop
. Fix the agreement mistake
shops
Therefore
, people
may have less
opportunities to find a fast Change the quantifier
fewer
food
shop
and have a
Correct article usage
apply
dinning
. Correct your spelling
dining
Due to
the less of eating fast food
, the health
of people
will also
be improve
.
Change the verb form
be improved
To sum up
, although
people
are hoping to have a
only short Correct article usage
apply
dinning
in their breaking time, and keep working, it is impossible that they can still work in a negative Correct your spelling
dining
health
situation. There is nothing more important than people
's health
, imposing a higher tax
can help to solve the health
problem. Therefore
, I strongly agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
arguement
.Correct your spelling
argument
Submitted by asllchkied on
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Task Achievement
The essay lacks a clear response to the task question. It should address the necessity for government imposition of a higher tax on fast food and argue the reasons for or against it.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The paragraphs lack proper development and coherence, resulting in a lack of clear progression of ideas. A more organized approach to the essay's structure is needed.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource is limited. There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and effectively.
Grammatical Range
The grammatical range is limited. There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, affecting the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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