IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that visiting museums is the best way for children to learn history, while many others think there are several better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #museums #children #history
There is a debate over whether
museums
 offer the best quality of
history
 education for children or not. Both views will be discussed in
this
 essay and I support the former view.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why visiting
museums
 is not the best way to learn
history
. For one thing, there are a few other measures to provide students with effective
history
 education,
such
 as documentaries, books, and online materials. These mediums are more practical than
museums
 because they supply thorough
information
. Not only do not students need to visit somewhere but
also
 the
information
 is given free of charge.
For example
, people can freely acquire images and text knowledge about Monalisa through an official site, though they do not visit the Louvre Museum in Paris.
However
, in spite of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above, I am of the opinion that visiting
museums
 is the most proper approach to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
history
. First and foremost people can see and experience historical curiosities firsthand.
Therefore
 they can feel
formidable
Correct article usage
the formidable
show examples
 values of relics, impressed with the great skills of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 ancestors. Case in point, visitors who are in Pergamon Museum can admire how majestic the Ishtar Tor is, which cannot be felt from other indirect visual mediums.
Secondly
,
museums
 inform visitors of accurate
information
 from reliable references,
whereas
 books and documentaries tend to prioritize interest rather than fact.
For instance
, people who visit the van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam can find letters not adapted from van Gogh that were sent to his brother, Teo. In a nutshell,
although
 there are other ways to deliver historical
information
, visiting
museums
 is the most fundamental way to learn
history
.
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task response
Develop the counter-argument more fully to demonstrate a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are connected logically within and between paragraphs, and that each paragraph develops a clear central idea.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express ideas clearly.
grammatical range
Work on the accuracy and complexity of grammatical structures to enhance coherence and clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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