IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The top priority of bussiness is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#priority #bussiness #money #responsibilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the enterprise should have a
responsibility
Use synonyms
, which is to
support
Use synonyms
 some
activity
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 inhibit local.
However
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some corporations that are not allowed regulation by the government, which will impact the infraction. I personally disagree with that statement; the
business
Use synonyms
 should be separated from the budget for social
responsibility
Use synonyms
. The specific regulation for the
business
Use synonyms
 is to
support
Use synonyms
 the
people
Use synonyms
 who live near the company. As we know, the
activity
Use synonyms
 of corporations will have an impact on
people
Use synonyms
's activities in the area,
such
Linking Words
 as the bus mobilization and industrial air from
indrustri
Correct your spelling
industry
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the noise from the
coproation
Correct your spelling
corporation
 will be uncomfortable for local
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live near industries will feel unheated
due to
Linking Words
 the location. So, as a
business
Use synonyms
responsibility
Use synonyms
, they should develop cleaning air to clear the air near the environment. The contribution of social
responsibility
Use synonyms
 by the
corpote
Correct your spelling
corporate
 should
support
Use synonyms
 the local economy to improve income.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the industry has a huge event that will invite many
people
Use synonyms
, the company should invite the local
people
Use synonyms
 to sell local products, which is the contribution of the
business
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the local
people
Use synonyms
 will feel happy because of the event. Because of that, it should be a regular
activity
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as celebrating the anniversary, that will invite stakeholders and local
people
Use synonyms
 to attend.
Further
Linking Words
, the
activity
Use synonyms
 will improve and encourage interaction between local
people
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
 employees. In conclusion, communication and the contribution of the
business
Use synonyms
, which are social responsibilities, are the obligations to
support
Use synonyms
 each other.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
 will improve the nation as a whole.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has some coherence, but the logical structure could be improved to make the essay flow more effectively. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present, but could be more clearly defined. The main points are somewhat supported, but could benefit from better organization and development.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response could be more comprehensive and focused. It contains some relevant ideas, but lacks completeness and clarity in the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • top priority
  • making money
  • social responsibilities
  • businesses
  • agree
  • counter argument
  • refutation
  • importance
  • personal opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: