The top priority of bussiness is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, the enterprise should have a
responsibility
, which is to
support
some
activity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
inhibit local.
However
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
some corporations that are not allowed regulation by the government, which will impact the infraction. I personally disagree with that statement; the
business
should be separated from the budget for social
responsibility
. The specific regulation for the
business
is to
support
the
people
who live near the company. As we know, the
activity
of corporations will have an impact on
people
's activities in the area,
such
as the bus mobilization and industrial air from
indrustri
Correct your spelling
industry
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the noise from the
coproation
Correct your spelling
corporation
will be uncomfortable for local
people
.
For example
,
people
who live near industries will feel unheated
due to
the location. So, as a
business
responsibility
, they should develop cleaning air to clear the air near the environment. The contribution of social
responsibility
by the
corpote
Correct your spelling
corporate
should
support
the local economy to improve income.
For instance
, when the industry has a huge event that will invite many
people
, the company should invite the local
people
to sell local products, which is the contribution of the
business
to
people
.
Hence
, the local
people
will feel happy because of the event. Because of that, it should be a regular
activity
,
such
as celebrating the anniversary, that will invite stakeholders and local
people
to attend.
Further
, the
activity
will improve and encourage interaction between local
people
and
business
employees. In conclusion, communication and the contribution of the
business
, which are social responsibilities, are the obligations to
support
each other.
Consequently
,
this
activity
will improve the nation as a whole.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has some coherence, but the logical structure could be improved to make the essay flow more effectively. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present, but could be more clearly defined. The main points are somewhat supported, but could benefit from better organization and development.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response could be more comprehensive and focused. It contains some relevant ideas, but lacks completeness and clarity in the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • top priority
  • making money
  • social responsibilities
  • businesses
  • agree
  • counter argument
  • refutation
  • importance
  • personal opinion
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