IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many regions,
people
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's life expectancy is increasing more than before. Some citizens think that
this
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overincrease
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over increase
 in the ageing
population
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 can directly affect the
government
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 of a
country
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. there are positive aspects of an
aging
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ageing
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population
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however
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 I totally agree with
people
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's opinion as its demerits outweigh its merits. In the paragraph below I will try to highlight both the positive and negative effects of
this
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 type of growing
population
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 on society.
Firstly
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, I can't deny the benefits of a large
population
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 of old citizens as
this
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 may help
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government
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the government
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 to maintain a stable society. Predominantly because those
people
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 have already lived half of their life and have learned to earn their daily life income addition to which they are less likely to perform any risky work.
Secondly
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, It is possible to have a good environment if the
country
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 has numerous old individuals
for example
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, as old
people
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 are less likely to go out travelling
this
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 causes less exhaustion of fuel.
However
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, reaching the above conclusion doesn't mean that
people
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 ageing for
government
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 can be ignored. For one thing, the point at issue is the shortage of labour which means the company's economy is at high risk.
Furthermore
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Add a comma
,
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we can't deny that as
people
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 become old the desire for consumption decreases.
For example
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, small towns and villages of
country
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 China hold approximately 50% of the aged
population
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 These
people
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 usually buy things of necessity which impacts the consumption of that part and at
last
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 face difficulty at times in balancing out the economy of that particular region. To summarize, I think the old
population
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 creates a positive environment and is essential as they have an experiential view towards various ongoing topics of our society.
Although
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 it's important to consider the fact that over the increase of it can affect both
government
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 and economy of a
country
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction that presents the topics and your position. Also, provide a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your position.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task and discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population in more detail.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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