IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
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In today's fast-paced world, a growing number of
individuals
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 are faced with the conflict of choosing between financial stability and having enough
time
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 to live
more
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a more
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fulfiling
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fulfilling
 life.
While
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 some value earning more money, others value having ample free
time
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. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into both perspectives and present my viewpoint. On one side, those who advocate for having more money argue that it brings numerous benefits. Primarily, it provides financial security, which allows them to meet their basic needs and fulfil their materialistic desires.
Moreover
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, increased income
contribute
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contributes
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 to better education and healthcare, enhancing the quality of life.
Additonally
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Additionally
, wealth offers a wide range of
opportunites
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opportunities
 to pursue personal interests, enabling
individuals
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 to broaden their horizons and experiences. On the
filp
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flip
 side, proponents of having more free
time
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 argue that wealth is meaningless without
the
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apply
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leisure. With increased free
time
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,
individuals
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 can focus on personal relationships and engage in leisure activities
such
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 as sports.
Furthermoe
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Furthermore
, sufficient free
time
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 promotes
individuals
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'
overall
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 well-being, reduces stress, and enhances health, all of which can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. In conclusion,
while
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 both perspectives have validity, it appears that balancing between earning money and enjoying leisure is essential in order to thrive in both personal and professional lives.
Thus
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, I strongly believe that a
balaned
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balanced
 approach should be considered in regard to
this
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 matter.
Submitted by dy030 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all points directly relate to the topic and fully answer the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Use transition words to connect ideas and ensure the essay flows smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Use a variety of lexical resources to enhance the clarity and depth of the essay.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structures and punctuation. Avoid repetitive phrasing and use different grammatical structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
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