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The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #games #devices #individuals #society
The advent of portable electronic
devices
 has revolutionized the way
individuals
 engage with entertainment, particularly through the widespread popularity of electronic
games
.
While
 some argue that the availability of
such
 entertainment is harmful to
individuals
 and the societies they inhabit, I contend that the impact is multifaceted , with both positive and negative aspects. Body Paragraph 1: On the negative side, the accessibility of electronic
games
 on portable
devices
 has led to concerns about addiction. The continuous rewards and immersive nature of these
games
 can divert
individuals
 from their responsibilities, be it in the workplace or academic settings.
This
 can result in a neglect of duties.
Moreover
, the excessive screen time associated with playing electronic
games
 on portable
devices
 raises
health
 concerns. Prolonged exposure to screens can lead to issues
such
 as eye strain, disrupted sleep patterns, and even more severe complications.
This
 not only impacts individual
health
 but
also
 contributes to the growing public
health
 burden. Despite these drawbacks, it is essential to acknowledge the positive aspects of portable electronic
games
. The intricate challenges presented in these
games
 contribute to cognitive development, requiring players to strategize and problem-solve.
Additionally
, the online platforms foster cultural exchange, allowing
individuals
 from diverse backgrounds to connect and share experiences, promoting
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
 community.
Furthermore
, for some
individuals
, electronic
games
 serve as a valuable stress-relief mechanism. In the face of mounting pressures in both professional and academic spheres , the escapism provided by these
games
 can be therapeutic.
This
 aspect highlights the potential for positive mental
health
 outcomes associated with the clever use of portable electronic
games
. In conclusion, the impact of playing electronic
games
 on portable
devices
 is complex, encompassing both detrimental and beneficial aspects.
While
 concerns about addiction, and
health
 issues are valid, the cognitive benefits, cultural exchange, and stress relief offered by these
games
 should not be overlooked.
Submitted by vivian901014 on

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task response
Ensure that all points are addressed thoroughly and balanced representation of ideas is provided.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, ensure that the connection between ideas is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and transition phrases to enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures to improve grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • adverse
  • excessive
  • physical and mental health issues
  • dependency
  • hinder
  • social skills development
  • academic performance
  • productivity
  • real-life experiences
  • social interactions
  • addiction
  • gambling
  • harmful behaviors
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