IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

new trchnology and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. to what extand do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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I strongly believe that the way people buy and sell
products
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 already changed
due to
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 the development of
technology
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.
This
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 is because
technology
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 is able to give a positive experience either for
buyers
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 on exploring the details of
products
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 or sellers towards the
time
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 of selling.
Firstly
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, shoppers are comfortable using
technology
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 for buying
products
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 because it is handy
which is
Verb problem
and
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 can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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any
Correct your spelling
anytime
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time
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 and
everywhere
Replace the word
anywhere
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.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 offers many tools that people can use for likes features of description. By utilizing the description feature,
buyers
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 not only watch the
detail
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details
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 of the pictures but
also
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 can read the detailed information
such
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 as what is material used , so shoppers can easily adjust their
need
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needs
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 in a short
time
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 compared to conventional did. Put more simply, online shopping
also
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 sends us the
products
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 directly at home, so the
buyers
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 have more
time
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 saving rather than buying at the physical store. Many of them choose online because they do have not enough
time
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 to buy in the store, but many basics need to
fulfilled
Add a missing verb
be fulfilled
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.
Secondly
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, advanced
technology
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 makes the
time
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 of selling
also
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 transform
whereas
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 in the past there was
time
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 for the open or closed store, but nowadays are open 24/7 hours. Interestingly, they are allowed to sell many
products
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 without a place to put for, so they are able to sell diverse
products
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in
Change preposition
at
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 one
time
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 and in one place.
For example
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, at present, many
buyers
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 create a trend of selling
products
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 at midnight
with
Change preposition
by
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 giving big discounts which people with the conventional way of selling
products
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cannot do. In conclusion, the consumer's behavior in selling or buying
products
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 has changed today which is machinery influence, leading the positive outcomes. To suggest, the conventional stock should make innovations on their stock, making their stole more interesting, to engage the buyer's desire.

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Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but the position is not clearly stated. It provides some relevant ideas but lacks specific examples and clear development. The response could be more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for better organization within paragraphs and more cohesive linking of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but there are instances of incorrect word choice and phrasing. It would benefit from more precise and appropriate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure that affect the clarity of the message.
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