IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer language in the world. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#year #language #people #life #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several factors including upcoming technological advancement and
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 emergence of social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 have resulted in more socialization via the medium.
Moreover
Linking Words
, improved transportation aggravated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interactions within the different societies.
This
Linking Words
 way the original
language
Use synonyms
 of those seems to be decreasing every year. With
such
Linking Words
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, some believe that it is okay to be with minimal communication medium.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think there are risks involved with
such
Linking Words
 situations. I too consider
to converse
Change preposition
that conversing
show examples
 in our native
language
Use synonyms
 is essential and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
preserve
Wrong verb form
be preserved
show examples
. There are certain people who believe that the fewer spoken
language
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 planet the happier and easier our life will be. It brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commonness among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals without having to struggle
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 foreign languages.
For instance
Linking Words
, we see more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
translators and tour
guide
Fix the agreement mistake
guides
show examples
 with certain
language
Use synonyms
 experts
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can speak multiple languages. The existence of all these people is
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of commonness within
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity, where when we travel to other places we
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have to hire a tour guide with
translator
Add an article
the translator
a translator
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, we see many
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world where they feel
pinch
Add an article
the pinch
show examples
 of losing their precious
language
Use synonyms
 we say. I
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personally feel that the existence of different
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is
jewel
Add an article
the jewel
a jewel
show examples
 of the country for its security and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 purpose as well. We see
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world with lots of cultural conflicts going
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the extent of colonizing smaller
countries
Use synonyms
 all because certain aspects of the culture
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 being vanished, where the
language
Use synonyms
 is the main component of the culture.
To conclude
Linking Words
 my essay I would like to suggest that
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of minor languages around the world is seen
quite
Change preposition
as quite
show examples
 important for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 security and for the generation of personal income and
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 revenue as a whole.
Therefore
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 needs to be preserved from extinction.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task question and provides relevant, clear ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas and provide a stronger link between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Make sure to use a wider range of grammatical structures and improve sentence structure and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: