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Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries crime rates among teenagers are higher than among other age groups. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it ?

#countries #crime #rates #teenagers #age #groups
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Nowadays,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 level of crime among the youth is higher compared to other age groups. It leads to several problems
such
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 as
brining
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bringing
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 up future adult criminals and
popularization
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the popularization
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 of a criminal life among
the
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apply
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minors. These problems need to be solved as soon as possible. First and foremost, teenagers, who
started
Wrong verb form
start
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 breaking the law, may be hardly addicted to
this
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 way of life,
thus
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 they might continue
such
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lifestyle
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a lifestyle
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further
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 in their adulthood.
Therefore
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, the crime rate among adults will rise.
Hence
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, schools should encourage teachers and other teaching staff to have a conversation about the drawbacks of an
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 life,
also
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 the police officers may give a speech about
this
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.
Additionally
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, to put more attention to the teenagers who may be easily involved
to commit
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in committing
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 a felony,
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also
Rephrase
apply
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they can use
a
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the
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 help of the social welfare department or psychologists if it is necessary.
Secondly
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, other perpetrators can encourage youngsters to start an
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 lifestyle, thereby they increase
a
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the
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 number of young lawbreakers. In that case, parents should be warned by
police
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the police
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 or school,
then
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 they need to talk to them and observe their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 all the time.
Furthermore
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, teachers and parents ought to monitor their social media activity, because it is the most possible way to attract them. In conclusion, everyone, who has a
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
 with youth, should remember
about
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apply
show examples
a
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the
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 danger of a bad influence. Schools and parents must cooperate to keep teens away from offence,
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otherwise
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otherwise,
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 the crime rate among teens will only
incease
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increase
.
Submitted by kama.star.00 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance to the topic.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent, but there is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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