IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In many countries crime rates among teenagers are higher than among other age groups. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it ?

#countries #crime #rates #teenagers #age #groups
Nowadays,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 level of crime among the youth is higher compared to other age groups. It leads to several problems
such
 as
brining
Correct your spelling
bringing
show examples
 up future adult criminals and
popularization
Correct article usage
the popularization
show examples
 of a criminal life among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minors. These problems need to be solved as soon as possible. First and foremost, teenagers, who
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 breaking the law, may be hardly addicted to
this
 way of life,
thus
 they might continue
such
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
show examples
further
 in their adulthood.
Therefore
, the crime rate among adults will rise.
Hence
, schools should encourage teachers and other teaching staff to have a conversation about the drawbacks of an
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 life,
also
 the police officers may give a speech about
this
.
Additionally
, to put more attention to the teenagers who may be easily involved
to commit
Change preposition
in committing
show examples
 a felony,
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they can use
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 help of the social welfare department or psychologists if it is necessary.
Secondly
, other perpetrators can encourage youngsters to start an
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 lifestyle, thereby they increase
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of young lawbreakers. In that case, parents should be warned by
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 or school,
then
 they need to talk to them and observe their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 all the time.
Furthermore
, teachers and parents ought to monitor their social media activity, because it is the most possible way to attract them. In conclusion, everyone, who has a
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
 with youth, should remember
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 danger of a bad influence. Schools and parents must cooperate to keep teens away from offence,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 the crime rate among teens will only
incease
Correct your spelling
increase
.
Submitted by kama.star.00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance to the topic.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent, but there is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!