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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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These days one of the biggest topics in modern society that
music
Use synonyms
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
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people
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 of all age groups and cultures together,
while
Linking Words
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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people
Use synonyms
 do not support the idea that
music
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 brings close to one another.In my opinion it agreed with
this
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 statement
music
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 develops a sense of connection between
people
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.
Firstly
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music
Use synonyms
 has the power to unite
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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effectively as long as of the universal message it has,
such
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 as love and peace.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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music
Use synonyms
 has the power to promote cross-cultural understanding and acceptance.
Different
Change preposition
With different
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 musical genres and traditions,
people
Use synonyms
 can gain a deeper appreciation for other cultures and ways of life. Thanks to
such
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 situations,
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
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 between
people
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 better.139
In
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 the relationship between
people
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 depends it can be defined through
music
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. They may like the same genre, or they may like
music
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 in the same language. Even
people
Use synonyms
 from other countries help me get along well.
it
Capitalize word
It
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 leads up to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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a better inter-personal and intra-personal relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
better inter-personal and intra-personal relationships
a better inter-personal and intra-personal relationship
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 all over the world.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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Music
Use synonyms
 can help to understand each other through feelings between
closed
Replace the word
close
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people
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. when we listen to
music
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, we feel a sense of serene and tranquillity In conclusion despite having differences
Change preposition
in
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of
Change preposition
in
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 cultures and age, a person
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 developed the understanding level to a certain stage by knowing others through the medium of
music
Use synonyms
 independently
Correct word choice
apply
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And
Correct word choice
apply
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this
Linking Words
 opinion is supported by everyone
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need improvement in order to better address the task.
task achievement
You need to include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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