IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#artists #freedom #government #restrictions
Creative
artists
 must have the
freedom
 to develop their own imagination in whichever method they wish. There must be no authority rules or community restrictions on what they make. In my opinion, I agree that creative
artists
 should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 and that may increase their efficiency.
However
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have
punshment
Correct your spelling
punishment
punishments
 if the art is inappropriate. Talent people may take advantage of
freedom
 to boost their efficiency.
For example
, Brazil
known
Add the auxiliary verb
is known
show examples
 for its best football players and these players get paid
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
huge wages. Their high performance is the outcome of the
freedom
 that their country
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 for them. The same approach of
freedom
 can be used in the
ideas
 of the
artists
 and the results can be considerable. I believe that the countries that invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
artists
Change noun form
artists'
artist's
show examples
ideas
 have a bright future regarding the art and the history of the country.
On the other hand
,
artists
 may start to work on
ideas
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 inappropriate
due to
 the significant support and the
freedom
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they get from the community. To illustrate, there was a period of time in Europe with no restrictions to the
ideas
, some of the
artists
 took advantage of that and developed an idea
that is
 considered an insult
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the society.
Therefore
,
freedom
 can be provided
along with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punshments
Correct your spelling
punishment
punishments
 for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 that exceed the limit. In conclusion, I agree that
freedom
 improves the
artists
Change to a genitive case
artist's
artists'
show examples
 efficiency and the
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
 may benefit
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that.
However
, the authority should have a
punshment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 for the
artists
 that made inappropriate
ideas
.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

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task response
Inadequate development of ideas and lack of clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay does not fully address the task. The ideas are not well-supported and need more development.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. More cohesive devices should be used to connect ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resources are fairly varied, but there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. The vocabulary should be more cohesive and precise to communicate ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The sentence structures are fairly varied, but there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation. More complex sentences and accurate use of grammar and punctuation are needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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