IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

#people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
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The arrival of the modernization era makes
people
 reach a sense of urgency. As you can see, every morning a lot of individuals hurry to their work, and the traffic jams are a normal situation.
this
 is the reason that makes the member of the community meet their free
time
.
this
 raises problems not only for individuals but
also
 for the overview of
society
. I will elaborate on my opinions in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, the impact on the individual. Nowadays,
this
 is the era of competition that forces everyone to hurry up.
People
 do not have
time
 to do activities, because they need to devote more
time
 to their main work.
For example
, someone has been working in the company for a long
time
, but after
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 they have a multitude of assignments to finish at home,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
finally
 don'
t
 have
time
 to do any hobbies at home.
Secondly
, the effect on the overview of
society
. As we can see, recently,
people
 spent plenty of
time
 working,
this
 makes them very busy and don'
t
 have
time
 to run any activities that contribute benefits for the community or charity.
Moreover
, the crucial thing is
people
 don'
t
 have
time
 to look after their family members.
For instance
, numerous parents can not spend
time
 with their children, which is very important to institute a family's duty in
society
.
this
 can stimulate several problems in
society
 because when children can'
t
 receive love or attention from their families they are more likely to do evil actions. In conclusion,
people
 don'
t
 have
time
 for hobbies and any activities that they want to do.
this
 can have a huge impact not only on the individual but
also
 on the overview of our
society
.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the question and provide thorough explanations. Focus on developing your ideas systematically.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas by using clear topic sentences and linking words to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to better convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on varying your sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, articles, and word choices to improve grammatical accuracy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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