IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The arrival of the modernization era makes
people
Use synonyms
 reach a sense of urgency. As you can see, every morning a lot of individuals hurry to their work, and the traffic jams are a normal situation.
this
Linking Words
 is the reason that makes the member of the community meet their free
time
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
 raises problems not only for individuals but
also
Linking Words
 for the overview of
society
Use synonyms
. I will elaborate on my opinions in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the impact on the individual. Nowadays,
this
Linking Words
 is the era of competition that forces everyone to hurry up.
People
Use synonyms
 do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do activities, because they need to devote more
time
Use synonyms
 to their main work.
For example
Linking Words
, someone has been working in the company for a long
time
Use synonyms
, but after
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 they have a multitude of assignments to finish at home,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
finally
Linking Words
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 to do any hobbies at home.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the effect on the overview of
society
Use synonyms
. As we can see, recently,
people
Use synonyms
 spent plenty of
time
Use synonyms
 working,
this
Linking Words
 makes them very busy and don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 to run any activities that contribute benefits for the community or charity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the crucial thing is
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 to look after their family members.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous parents can not spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their children, which is very important to institute a family's duty in
society
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
 can stimulate several problems in
society
Use synonyms
 because when children can'
t
Use synonyms
 receive love or attention from their families they are more likely to do evil actions. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 for hobbies and any activities that they want to do.
this
Linking Words
 can have a huge impact not only on the individual but
also
Linking Words
 on the overview of our
society
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the question and provide thorough explanations. Focus on developing your ideas systematically.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas by using clear topic sentences and linking words to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to better convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on varying your sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, articles, and word choices to improve grammatical accuracy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: