Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether advertisements in our life might have
attract
Change the verb form
attracted
show examples
Correct article usage
the pubic
show examples
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
to buy things, or just that
people
feel tired and don't give it a sight is certainly up for debate. In
this
essay, I will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
of
this
issue and conclude by explaining my own
view
. It is often argued that advertising can
Wrong verb form
persuade
show examples
persuading
Wrong verb form
persuade
show examples
people
to buy
Correct article usage
a company's
show examples
company's
Correct article usage
a company's
show examples
stuff. One reason for
this
view
is that the advertisements
is
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are
show examples
drawing the ideal life by using their products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that
people
will believe they can reach the same place if they buy the goods.
In contrast
, opponents of
this
view
maintain that advertisement is too often surrounding in our life that
people
are tired to
spend
Verb problem
pay
show examples
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
it. And some
people
think the more
fenqucy
Correct your spelling
fancy
they saw in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everywhere, the more
negitive
Correct your spelling
negative
feeling grow in
theur
Correct your spelling
their
mind. In conclusion, my personal
view
is that the huge amount of advertising surrounding us
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
tired more
Correct word choice
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
desire
of buying
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to buy
show examples
. If they still want to
sall
Correct your spelling
sell
call
their products as well, maybe
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
quectly
Correct your spelling
quickly
is the better reason to buy
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
me.
Submitted by bookcool5 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity and coherence in presenting ideas. The arguments are not well-developed and lack appropriate supporting examples.
task response
Lack of clarity in expressing personal opinion and providing balanced views on both sides of the argument. The essay needs to fully address the prompt by considering both perspectives in a balanced manner.
grammatical range
The essay contains multiple grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. Clearer sentence structures and better use of linking words are needed for improved coherence and cohesion.
lexic resource
Limited range of vocabulary and inappropriate word choices affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Use of more precise and varied vocabulary will enhance the lexical resource.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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