Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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the arrival of the modernization era makes

people

Use synonyms

reach a sense of urgency. As you can see, every morning a lot of individuals hurry to their work, and the traffic jams are a normal situation.

this

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

that make the member of the community

hard

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

to meet their free

time

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

raises problems not only for individuals but

also

Linking Words

for the overview of

society

Use synonyms

. I will elaborate on my opinions in the following paragraphs.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the impact on the individual. Nowadays,

this

Linking Words

is the era of competition that forces everyone to hurry up.

People

Use synonyms

do not have

time

Use synonyms

to do activities that they want to do because they need to devote more

time

Use synonyms

to their main work.

for example

Linking Words

, someone has been working in the company for a long

time

Use synonyms

, after work on

time

Use synonyms

but they have a multitude of

assignment

Fix the agreement mistake

assignments

show examples

and they must take it to finish at home, they

finally

Linking Words

don'

Use synonyms

have

time

Use synonyms

to do any hobbies at home.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the effect on the overview of

society

Use synonyms

. As we can see, recently,

people

Use synonyms

spent plenty of

time

Use synonyms

working,

this

Linking Words

makes them very busy and don'

Use synonyms

have

time

Use synonyms

to run any activities that contribute benefits for the community or charity.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the crucial thing is

people

Use synonyms

don'

Use synonyms

have

time

Use synonyms

to look after their family members.

Linking Words

for

Capitalize word

For

show examples

instance, numerous parents can not spend

time

Use synonyms

with their children which is very important to institute a family's duty in

society

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

can stimulate several problems in

society

Use synonyms

because when children can'

Use synonyms

receive love or attention from their families they are more likely to do evil actions. In conclusion,

people

Use synonyms

don'

Use synonyms

have

time

Use synonyms

for hobbies and any activities that they want to do.

this

Linking Words

can have a huge impact not only on the individual but

also

Linking Words

on the overview of our

society

Use synonyms

mahawichetTue Nov 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are lacking and do not provide a clear introduction or conclusion to the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear organization of ideas which impacts coherence and cohesion. Try to use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.

task achievement

The essay partially responds to the task, but the arguments are not fully developed. Clear and specific examples are needed to support the main points effectively.

task achievement

The writing tone is somewhat inappropriate for an academic essay. Aim for a more formal and neutral writing style.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Devote time
Hobbies
Nowadays
Busy
Fast-paced
Lifestyles
Work and career
Technology
Digital entertainment
Limited
Free time
Lack of motivation
Mental wellbeing
Physical wellbeing
Decreased
Social interactions
Creativity
Self-expression
Negative effects
Society

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Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?