IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A portion of society believes that spending currency on fete is a total waste of it, as there are many other significant fields that need expenditure. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to
further
Linking Words
 elaborate on the reasons and
thus
Linking Words
 will to a logical conclusion as well.
aThere
Correct your spelling
There
 are
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
show examples
 of grounds to stand with a view but the most preponderant one is that organising parties are just a way of depicting their wealth which is useless for the community
instead
Linking Words
 a part
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent on the health care sector which really needs investment, almost in every country of the world. As there is a high portion of the population
that is
Linking Words
 not capable of affording good medication for proper health can help for the better future of the nation. To elucidate, In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2021 the death rate of India has risen by 15 percent
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of
money
Use synonyms
 for the treatment of
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 and the country faced critically worse conditions. So, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on hospitals could be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent choice. Moving towards the next reason, whenever any type of gathering occurs, a bunch of expenses are seen on expensive alcohol.
As a result
Linking Words
, people usually get drunk and getting toxic in public is never a sign of being a good citizen. Rather than buying alcohol, spending a certain portion of
money
Use synonyms
 on improving the education system every year could be helpful for improving the future generation's knowledge skills by providing them with digital devices to study.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently in India, every six people denote a certain amount of
money
Use synonyms
 for the betterment of schools that they were saving to spend on festivals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it could be seen as a positive sign towards the nation's progress. Moving
further
Linking Words
 with the same declaration, when individuals get together on some occasions they directly or indirectly harm the environment as well which puts a heavy burden on the government
money
Use synonyms
 as the regime is the one who is going to fix the environmental damage at that point. A good illustration for
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is when Diwali is celebrated humans ruin the ecosystem as there is a lot of air and noise pollution because of the crackers. As a
subsititute
Correct your spelling
substitute
, these savings could be used better to
givesweat
Correct your spelling
give sweat
give sweet
 and clothes to
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 so that, they can
also
Linking Words
 have a happy Diwali.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the reasons aforementioned above one can reach to logical conclusion that the community have a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 but making the best use of
money
Use synonyms
 by spending on the needed areas is necessary for the development of the region
instead
Linking Words
 of spreading that wage on social fetes that leaves a negative effect on culture.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more developed and present a clear overview of the essay content.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use idiomatic expressions to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation to improve grammatical range.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: