The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average austraian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

#first #energy #austraian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions

The pie charts illustrate the average

house keeping

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housekeeping

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energy

consumption and proportions of the earth heating gases of household

appliences

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appliances

in Australia.

Overall

, the

appliences

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appliances

which heat the

house

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house's

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inner space and

water

, utilize the largest amount of power.

Additionally

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Additionally,

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domestic

water

heating

system

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systems

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and other appliances produce

larger

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a larger

show examples

amount of air

pullotion

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pollution

Australlian

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Australian

houses. The three most outstanding

energy

users are heaters,

water

heaters, and other facilities which

also

are

main

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the main

show examples

green house

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greenhouse

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gas

producer

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producers

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as well.The biggest proportion of

energy

aquiring

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acquiring

devices belongs to heaters, sharing 42% of

overall

energy

use. The

water

heating

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

, which

rank

Correct subject-verb agreement

ranks

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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second,

are

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show examples

responsible for 40% ,

also

the other appliances comprise 15% of the figure. The gas emission chart

paticularly

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particularly

present

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presents

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that 32%, 28%, and 15% of total heating gas release route to

water

heating, heating, and other purposes. The three minor power consumers are the chilling units, the lights, and the refrigerators which

are accounted

Wrong verb form

account

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for 2%, 4%, and 7%. Meanwhile, they are

least

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the least

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air pulloting

Add a hyphen

air-pulloting

show examples

households with 12%, 7%, and 5% percentages.

Submitted by saba.yazdany18 on Tue Nov 14 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, water with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

175 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average austraian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything of they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?