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Writing Samples /
Band 4

new technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#technologies #lives #consumers
Nowadays, the development of
technology
 and ways of buying and selling
products
 are changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers’ lives. I strongly agree that they can be beneficial for improving new habits of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
. On the one hand, the development of
technology
 has several negative impacts.
Firstly
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technological
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
, we can buy
products
 from
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 by online. Local brands have to compete with imported brands. It will be very challenging because they must keep their quality
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 low prices.
For example
, there are several
shoes’
Change noun form
shoes
show examples
 brands sold in the world with high quality, so some
people
 choose to buy the imported rather than the local ones.
Secondly
,
people
 who cannot operate
technology
, specifically social media, will face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties
to sell
Change preposition
in selling
show examples
 their
products
. It becomes a disaster for them because their
products
 cannot be sold.
On the other hand
, the technological advancement offers several benefits.
Firstly
,
using
Change preposition
by using
show examples
technology
, companies can produce their
products
 easier and faster. It will reduce the time requirements
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 production, so they can sell the
products
 as quickly as possible.
Next,
sellers can expand their market targets widely. It is possible to export their
products
 to other countries.
For example
,
people
 in Indonesia can export their local
products
such
 as “Batik” to Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, or even to other regions.
Moreover
,
technology
 brings a new trend
as
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 we call “online shopping habits” by using social media. Sellers can advertise their
products
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and
also
 sell
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
marketplace
Add an article
the marketplace
show examples
.
Additionally
, the way
people
 pay to buy something
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
show examples
 significantly. Now,
people
 do not need to bring their wallets and their money
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 what they want. They can just bring their mobile phones and use the application
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 there are several negative effects of new technologies and how
people
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 and
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
 something,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I certainly agree that they can be beneficial for consumer lives.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transforming
  • consumers
  • buying and selling
  • new technologies
  • revolutionized
  • consumer experience
  • e-commerce
  • convenience
  • range of options
  • mobile payment systems
  • transactions
  • challenges
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