IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this good way to rise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

#parents #children #rise #consequences #style
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Raising
children
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society is a difficult job owing to the internet and their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 some
parents
Use synonyms
 choose to
control
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
, others prefer to purchase everything they
desire
Use synonyms
 without questioning the effect of
this
Linking Words
 approach on the child.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss the consequences and the effectiveness of
this
Linking Words
 choice.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, understanding the world will be a difficult thing if
children
Use synonyms
 manage to have everything they
desire
Use synonyms
 and ask for.because
parents
Use synonyms
 are obligated to teach
infant
Fix the agreement mistake
infants
show examples
 that having what
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want is not easy and teach them to
work
Use synonyms
 and deserve the things they
desire
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should
control
Use synonyms
 what a child
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
.To illustrate, a study in New York University showed that 98,8% of young people who grew up with
parents
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 managed to
control
Use synonyms
 their desires are more responsible and successful
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 others who used to do whatever they feel like doing.Clearly, it is not the right approach because it is crucial to balance and say no when it is needed in order to teach them responsibility.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can affect
children
Use synonyms
 in different ways.
Such
Linking Words
 as having an immature generation who is used to having everything without needing to
work
Use synonyms
 for it,which can lead to disappointment and perhaps depression when they realize that having what they want is not that easy and they actually need to
work
Use synonyms
 for it.
For example
Linking Words
,an article in a New York newspaper discussed that the majority of
children
Use synonyms
 who were raised without having no
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
answer to their needs are mostly suffering from depression.
Also
Linking Words
, they may not feel the need to
work
Use synonyms
 or study because they are already having what they need.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the debate about whether
parents
Use synonyms
 should
control
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
's needs or offer them and allow them to do what they want is
sattled
Correct your spelling
settled
.I believe they should always have some
control
Use synonyms
 and only offer and allow what they need
instead
Linking Words
 of what they
desire
Use synonyms
 to have healthy and responsible adults.
Submitted by kaoutar.eljaouhari50 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Make sure your ideas flow in a clear and organized manner.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more developed and clearly present your main argument and summary of points.
lexical resource
Your essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary and may benefit from more varied and precise word choices.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and demonstrate more control over grammar and punctuation.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: