Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give yo own opinion

People

seem to have contradictory views concerning whether

parents

should give commands to

children

as to what they should do, I believe that the latter point of view is more convincing and more applicable in most contexts. Some

people

advocate that

parents

should educate their

children

to make their own decisions, to develop their independence, they

also

believe

this

will develop their

ability

to judgments, with the

ability

children

can make proper decisions themselves without

parents

' help,

moreover

, the independent-thinking

ability

is very significant, especially in nowadays, there are lots of fake news and cheaters on the internet,

children

need to recognize if the information they saw is believable or not. In a self-independent

education

children

can fully appreciate the diversity and richness of different thinking logics, and they can adopt the perspective of the other party when encountering problems. Allowing

children

to think from multiple perspectives can improve their problem-solving skills and creativity. Multi-dimensional thinking can

also

enhance their critical thinking

ability

, and they will no longer adopt a simplistic or biased view of problems. Other

people

oppose the idea that

parents

should teach their

children

to be self-thinking, which they regard as a dangerous

education

way,

while

generally teaching self-thinking is a very high-cost decision because it not only takes

parents

' time but

also

requires the government to provide a very high quality of

education

, which are regarded squandering of resources. They argue that resources should be allocated to promoting economic development. Economy development can have a positive impact on various aspects of society, it can create more employment opportunities and enhance the production and availability of goods it can

also

boost

people

's income and stimulate demand for goods. Under

such

a virtuous cycle,

people

's living standards will improve, and it will

also

affect

education

therefore

, the incidence of social problems will be reduced. In general, from my point of view, both alternatives have some benefits, but in the majority of scenarios, the latter one is a more desirable option for

children

. I think that educating

children

to independent thinking is not only an individual benefit

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but is

also

a wise investment for a whole nation's general population quality.

Submitted by cyh000823 on Tue Nov 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument and relates back to the prompt. Work on developing a more balanced discussion of both views.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, provide more specific examples to support the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

361 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give yo own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

What are the pros and cons of using public transport

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. .