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Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give yo own opinion

#people #children #parents #yo
People
 seem to have contradictory views concerning whether
parents
 should give commands to
children
 as to what they should do, I believe that the latter point of view is more convincing and more applicable in most contexts. Some
people
 advocate that
parents
 should educate their
children
 to make their own decisions, to develop their independence, they
also
 believe
this
 will develop their
ability
 to judgments, with the
ability
,
children
 can make proper decisions themselves without
parents
' help,
moreover
, the independent-thinking
ability
 is very significant, especially in nowadays, there are lots of fake news and cheaters on the internet,
children
 need to recognize if the information they saw is believable or not. In a self-independent
education
,
children
 can fully appreciate the diversity and richness of different thinking logics, and they can adopt the perspective of the other party when encountering problems. Allowing
children
 to think from multiple perspectives can improve their problem-solving skills and creativity. Multi-dimensional thinking can
also
 enhance their critical thinking
ability
, and they will no longer adopt a simplistic or biased view of problems. Other
people
 oppose the idea that
parents
 should teach their
children
 to be self-thinking, which they regard as a dangerous
education
 way,
while
 generally teaching self-thinking is a very high-cost decision because it not only takes
parents
' time but
also
 requires the government to provide a very high quality of
education
, which are regarded squandering of resources. They argue that resources should be allocated to promoting economic development. Economy development can have a positive impact on various aspects of society, it can create more employment opportunities and enhance the production and availability of goods it can
also
 boost
people
's income and stimulate demand for goods. Under
such
 a virtuous cycle,
people
's living standards will improve, and it will
also
 affect
education
,
therefore
, the incidence of social problems will be reduced. In general, from my point of view, both alternatives have some benefits, but in the majority of scenarios, the latter one is a more desirable option for
children
. I think that educating
children
 to independent thinking is not only an individual benefit
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but is
also
 a wise investment for a whole nation's general population quality.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument and relates back to the prompt. Work on developing a more balanced discussion of both views.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, provide more specific examples to support the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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