All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
contemporary era, putting on
weight
Use synonyms
is one of the most common diseases many individuals suffer from. The main culprit of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon is the high consumption rate of convenience
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of healthy meals;
however
Linking Words
, the most effective solution to treat
this
Linking Words
issue is by doing exercises. To embark on, many individuals have a hectic lifestyle and they do not have adequate time to prepare a healthy meal.
In other words
Linking Words
, many labourers engage in full-time jobs and they have to spend almost two-thirds of their day outside their homes.
In addition
Linking Words
to that most of them have a short lunch break;
therefore
Linking Words
, they have become completely dependent on junk
food
Use synonyms
which is rich in saturated fats,
as well as
Linking Words
, carbohydrates.
As a result
Linking Words
, the continuous consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
will lead to obesity.
This
Linking Words
can be exemplified by an article conducted by a group of Iraqi medical researchers who claimed that slightly less than 60 per cent of Iraqi employees , particularly those who work in the private sector, are suffering from
weight
Use synonyms
gain
due to
Linking Words
unhealthy meals they consistently consume.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite the aforementioned point, it can be assumed that the most effective remedy to mitigate
this
Linking Words
health problem is by doing sport . To illustrate, doing physical activities can play an instrumental tool in losing
weight
Use synonyms
, because sport stimulates the heart muscle which, in turn , will increase the amount of circulatory blood flow;
consequently
Linking Words
, the amount of delivered oxygen will upsurge in direct proportion.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the body's muscles will be supplied with a high amount of oxygen which will activate them and lead to loss of calories and
weight
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, an article published in Time magazine that claimed playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
for about 20 minutes per day assists individuals
to lose
Change preposition
in losing
show examples
more than three kilograms monthly. In conclusion,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
essay has reiterated the above-mentioned points, it can be argued that obesity has become a serious problem
due to
Linking Words
the high consumption levels of fast
food
Use synonyms
which is full of fats and carbohydrates, and the most effective way to reduce
this
Linking Words
problem is through physical exercises
Submitted by Drfatima.Abdullah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a generally clear response to the task, but there are some gaps in addressing the prompt and the main causes and solutions for obesity. More specific and varied examples could be included to enhance the relevance of the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally demonstrates a clear overall progression, with an effective introduction and conclusion. However, there are some instances where the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and some less common lexical items. However, there are also instances of repetition and overly complex phrasing. Aim for more clarity and precision in vocabulary use.
grammatical range
The essay generally demonstrates a good control of a range of complex structures, with some errors in sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Aim for greater accuracy and consistency in grammar usage.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: