At present, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#population #countries #adults #people #situation

In many countries, the proportion of the younger

generation

is increasing more and more than the older age–group. I believe there are more drawbacks to

this

than

its

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advantages and my views regarding

this

are discussed below.

To begin

, the growth of the young

generation

is leading to the need for more job vacancies.

This

situation can cause disturbance for the government and severe competition for obtaining a suitable career. In comparison, most older

people

have stable jobs and run their own

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

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. They are not a burden on society’s shoulders in

this

matter and are profitable for the government.

Besides

this

, the increasing

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young

adults

Fix the agreement mistake

adult

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population can cause the forgetting of some rituals and old beliefs in society. Youngsters normally prefer not to follow old customs.

On the other hand

, young adults are more creative and have a willingness to seek new opportunities and discover cutting-edge technologies.

This

trait in the young

generation

brings prosperity to countries and innovative creations to the world.

For example

, in various

societies

Add a comma

societies,

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youngsters are in charge of directing startup businesses and are able to give a great advantage to the respective nation.

Although

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apply

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older

people

have some valuable experiences and they easily adapt to the conditions of society, the role of the young

generation

in the development of a country and reaching new horizons cannot be denied. In conclusion,

although

younger

people

are willing to obtain modern advancements, the experience which is there with the old

people

cannot be matched.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Nov 14 2023

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Task Response

Provide a clearer position in the introduction and a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the organization of ideas and provide a stronger introduction and conclusion.

Lexical Resource

Expand vocabulary range and work on using more precise and varied expressions.

Grammatical Range

Work on more complex sentence structures and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

248 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At present, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

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You had some photos of your family taken by a professional photographer. Write a letter to the photographer. In your letter: Say that you liked their photos of your family Ask them to be your photographer at a special family event Give them the details of the event.

Some people believe that to protect local cultures, tourism should be banned in some areas, while others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion