At present, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#population #countries #adults #people #situation

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In many countries, the proportion of the younger

generation

Use synonyms

is increasing more and more than the older age–group. I believe there are more drawbacks to

this

Linking Words

than

its

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

advantages and my views regarding

this

Linking Words

are discussed below.

To begin

Linking Words

, the growth of the young

generation

Use synonyms

is leading to the need for more job vacancies.

This

Linking Words

situation can cause disturbance for the government and severe competition for obtaining a suitable career. In comparison, most older

people

Use synonyms

have stable jobs and run their own

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

. They are not a burden on society’s shoulders in

this

Linking Words

matter and are profitable for the government.

Besides

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, the increasing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young

adults

Fix the agreement mistake

adult

show examples

population can cause the forgetting of some rituals and old beliefs in society. Youngsters normally prefer not to follow old customs.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, young adults are more creative and have a willingness to seek new opportunities and discover cutting-edge technologies.

This

Linking Words

trait in the young

generation

Use synonyms

brings prosperity to countries and innovative creations to the world.

For example

Linking Words

, in various

societies

Add a comma

societies,

show examples

youngsters are in charge of directing startup businesses and are able to give a great advantage to the respective nation.

Although

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

older

people

Use synonyms

have some valuable experiences and they easily adapt to the conditions of society, the role of the young

generation

Use synonyms

in the development of a country and reaching new horizons cannot be denied. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

younger

people

Use synonyms

are willing to obtain modern advancements, the experience which is there with the old

people

Use synonyms

cannot be matched.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Nov 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Provide a clearer position in the introduction and a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the organization of ideas and provide a stronger introduction and conclusion.

Lexical Resource

Expand vocabulary range and work on using more precise and varied expressions.

Grammatical Range

Work on more complex sentence structures and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

248 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
These days people spend more than more time at work and less time at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
There is no denying the fact that the main impact of work is debatable. It is argued that people recently are spending more time at work than they do at home. In this essay I will discuss why working more can allow for a more flexible financial status, but also can affect both, social and physical health.
6.5
band
Some people think that they can make as much noise as they want, while others think that the amount of noise people make should be strictly controlled. Discuss both views and give your opinion
People have different views about whether noise can be made by people as much they want, or it can be hardly controlled. While making noise is obvious, I believe that making unnecessary noise should be prohibited.
7.5
band
Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Disucss both these view and give your own opinions.
In this modern era,with the help of new technologies such as phones and tablets it is easier for people to watch films at home which is cost-efficient while others think that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. we will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraph. In my opinion, watching the cinema at home is a positive trend which helps you to save money and time.
7.5
band
Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others sy it is government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give yto our opinion.
It is considered by some that the duty to keep the cleanliness and sanitation of an area falls upon the people living there, whereas some argue that it is the work of national councils. Although the country has some duty to maintain sanitation, I believe that the local people also need to take part in this.
4.5
band
‘’Prevention is better than cure.’’ Researching and treating diseases is too costly , so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree with the given statement ?
There are a lot of disesae in the world and that diseases’ cures are very high. If they can found preventative from these diesase, it will be cheaper and more sensible. I think, absolutely researchers should study on the preventative and it will be more beneficial for world.

At present, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

These days people spend more than more time at work and less time at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Some people think that they can make as much noise as they want, while others think that the amount of noise people make should be strictly controlled. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Disucss both these view and give your own opinions.

Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others sy it is government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give yto our opinion.

‘’Prevention is better than cure.’’ Researching and treating diseases is too costly , so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree with the given statement ?