Sports stars and movie stars have an obligation to behave as role models for the young people who look up to them. In return for the millions of dollars that they are paid, we should expect them to fulfill this societal responsibility.
Nowadays, most of young
people
are heavily influenced by what they consume everyday. For instance
, with a rapid globalization, they have an access to follow any updates from their idola through social media
, which leads to the tendency of mimicking their idola personality and behaviour. With that being said, I strongly agree that those popular artists
, consequently
, have a moral obligation to show a good attitude--knowing that many people
are keep an eye on them and perceive them as their role
models. To begin
, famous people
, such
as sport stars and movie stars, have a strong persona which allows them to have a high capability to influence
other people
. For example
, in the case of Israel and Palestine war, many artists
post their stance
towards this
case on their personal account. It can be seen through the comment section that many of their followers are influenced by their opinions. More importantly, their fans are trying to defend their idol's opinion, specifically the young people
who still do not have enough capability to have their personal stance
and tend to follow the crowd. However
, it should be highlighted that the artists
' main responsibility is solely focus on their career. Putting societal expectation towards them only resulting negative effects, such
as invading their private space and freedom of expression. When it comes to young people
's behavior, the parental method plays a critical role
in shaping their mindset and attitude. However
, still it is indirect consequence for popular people
to behave in social media
as a return for the millions of dollars that they are paid from the citizens. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the sports stars and movie starts should be a good role
model since they have a strong influence
, specifically to those underage fans. Despite it is not their main job, but it can be seen as their moral obligation. ChatGPT Your essay
is well-structured and effectively communicates your stance
on the prompt. Here's an assessment of your essay
: Introduction: Strengths
: Clearly states your agreement with the statement. Establishes the context well by referring to the influence
of celebrities on young people
through social media
. Areas
for Improvement
: Adding a bit more complexity
or a hook could enhance the introduction. Body Paragraphs: Strengths
: Supporting Points: Presents a strong argument regarding the influence
of celebrities on young people
, especially through social media
. The example of artists
expressing their stance
on the Israel-Palestine war is relevant and impactful. Consideration of Counterarguments: Effectively considers the potential negative effects on celebrities, such
as invasion of privacy and freedom of expression. Acknowledges the role
of parental influence
. Areas
for Improvement
: While
the points are strong, incorporating a broader range of vocabulary and varying sentence structures could elevate the complexity
of your writing. Conclusion: Strengths
: Summarizes key points effectively. Reiterates your agreement with the statement. Areas
for Improvement
: Similar to the introduction, adding a touch more complexity
or a forward-looking statement could enhance the conclusion. Language Use: Strengths
: Clear and coherent language use. Ideas are well-articulated. Areas
for Improvement
: Incorporating a broader range of vocabulary throughout the essay
could add depth. Consider varying sentence structures for increased complexity
. Overall
: Your essay
demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, effective use of examples, and a balanced consideration of counterarguments. It meets the criteria for a score of 4.5 on the GRE writing scale. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures could potentially push it toward the higher end of the scale. Keep refining your writing skills, and you'll continue to improve. Well done!Submitted by floriehendr on
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion