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Band 7.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer

#activity #child #skills #creativity
Nowadays
parents
 introduce
activities
 combined with joy and creativity for their offspring to develop different abilities rather than just reading. I totally agree that
children
 should be exposed to different and funny ways to learn new
skills
 for their
further
 learning journey.
This
 essay will discuss how positive would it be for
children
 to develop different
skills
 in life. In the past two decades schools and
parents
 have been focused on making their
children
 learn and create the habits of reading as a part of their development and as a relaxing activity.
As a consequence
, some other
skills
 have been forgotten or in some cases never been realised that their offspring has some other abilities that could be explored.
However
, some studies these days involves
parents
 and school to introduce different enjoyable
activities
 that help to explore
children
's
skills
.
For example
, extracurricular
activities
 at school
such
 as music, plastic arts, and swimming among other sports have shown the progress and the benefit that
children
 are getting with their practice. All these
activities
 lead
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their future career path
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
 options to be chosen by them with all the
skills
 development that they have been exposed to in their school or in their free time. Another positive aspect is the stress release that
this
 activity could provide. Some
children
 are diagnosed with stress and anxiety at their earliest ages, so it is important to offer them different
activities
 that contribute to diminishing their stress levels and meanwhile, they are learning new
skills
 and enjoying them. A good example for some youngest is participating in a football tournament, where they will experiment with the joy to share with their friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and learn strategies as a team player with the aim of winning. In conclusion,
activities
 related to developing new
skills
 in
children
 are beneficial to them in the future. I would strongly recommend that
parents
 introduce as many as they can enjoyable
activities
 to their
children
 because it will be the first step to developing
skills
 that even they do not know their offspring could have.
Submitted by mantonieta.albarracin on

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task response
Provide more examples to support your points and ensure that every point is directly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly to improve the flow of your essay, and ensure that each paragraph relates cohesively to the next.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied expressions to enhance the depth and clarity of your writing.
grammatical range
Try to vary the structure of your sentences more and pay attention to some common grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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