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Band 6

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider, the rich are getting richer, the poor even more poor. What problems can the situation cause and suggest solutions.

#gap #situation
It is indubitable that the gap between the affluent and the needy has widened.
This
 essay intends to analyse the problems caused by
this
 phenomenon and suggest ways to mitigate the problems. The most significant problem is that a vicious cycle emerges from which the poor find it difficult to come out. In order to make both ends meet, both parents have to work for supplementary income and the children are left in the house, unattended. Their future becomes blurred, as they do not get quality education.
This
 deprivation of the children is very high in ultra-poor families.
Furthermore
, poverty and conditions resulting from poverty,
such
 as lack of education
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 people to lawlessness and violence (e.g. robbery, theft, kidnapping, rape, murder, gang war, and drug addiction). Their pent-up desires for the finer things in life find a common outlet in the commission of crimes. The underdeveloped economies of Asia and even America are full of high crime rates
due to
 poverty. Even countries
such
 as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Indonesia, and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 face poverty-related evolution of these events. The solutions are not simple, but government
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 could improve
this
 situation.
To begin
 with, luxuries should be taxed heavily. A balanced taxation should be there and penalties against tax fraud and evasion should be more severe. Free or highly subsidized education should be provided to the needy. The problem of youth unemployment should be dealt with by creating job opportunities. Self-employment should be encouraged by promoting small-scale industry. At the global level, international organizations,
such
 as
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations and
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Bank, should provide support to developing countries in both technical and financial fields enabling them to improve infrastructure and strengthen industries. Summing up, the increasing gap between the rich and the poor should not be ignored as it causes political and social instability in the country and effective steps should be taken to close
this
 gap.
Submitted by aamenis on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly introduces its main point, and use a variety of linking words to connect ideas not just within paragraphs but also across them for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments.
Task Achievement
When discussing solutions, ensure that you expand on how each solution directly addresses the problems mentioned, and consider presenting a brief explanation of the expected impact.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • crime rates
  • wealth inequality
  • social segregation
  • education gap
  • affluent
  • mortality rates
  • uneven access
  • hopelessness
  • disenfranchisement
  • progressive taxation
  • redistribute
  • quality education
  • social programs
  • economic disadvantage
  • higher wages
  • entrepreneurship
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