Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What the other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness

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Many

people

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argue that

money

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is considered

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apply

show examples

a factor

to be

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in being

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happy in

life

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Remove the comma

apply

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like it is the only main factor toward

happiness

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Meanhile

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Meanwhile

, in my opinion,

people

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still can have a great

life

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consist a

lof

Correct your spelling

lot

show examples

happiness

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even though they do not have a lot of

money

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Remove the comma

apply

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because there are many

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

life

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that

also

Linking Words

play a vital role in creating

happiness

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Altough

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Although

having

money

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brings

happiness

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, it does not necessarily mean that

people

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with a

little

Correct word choice

small

show examples

amount of

money

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are unhappy.

For example

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, the comparison between

citizen

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citizens

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in a developing country and developed

countries

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. It is true regarding the fact that

people

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earn a lot of income in developing

countries

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, but it is commonly said by those Westerners

whose

Correct pronoun usage

who

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live

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life

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, grew up

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apply

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and pursue a career in their country that

people

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in developing

countries

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appeared

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appear

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to be

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apply

show examples

happier,

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moreover

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moreover,

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they

also

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have a stronger connection among members of their family

thus

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making them always stay together through ups and downs which is lead to

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apply

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gratitude for the simplicity of

life

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than those in developed

countries

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Finally

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, another factor influencing

happiness

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is by having supporting and loving

people

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in one’s

life

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That

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

factors are commonly used as a patokan to start living in a new place or choose to stay at one working place.

For instance

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, being surrounded by

neighborhoods

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neighbourhoods

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is considered by most

people

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to be more valuable than any amount of

money

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, because they can get

peaceful

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peace

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of mind and heart without any worries.

Likewise

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, to

working

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work

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in a place, it will be much

convenient

Correct quantifier usage

more convenient

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if we have helpful colleagues and bosses. In conclusion,

money

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is not

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential

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show examples

happiness

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, because

happiness

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can come from anywhere and any aspect of

life

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such

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as loving family,

neighbor

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neighbour

show examples

, and even job satisfaction.

Submitted by baitynuris191 on Wed Nov 15 2023

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task response

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coherence and cohesion

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lexical resource

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grammatical range

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What the other factors contribute towards happiness?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Because of the rising cost of living, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30's. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,...) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many old buildings protected by law are part of a nation’s history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.